The U-haul has come and I should go

[mockers2]

Hi Jackie - Thank you for your posts on my thread. It means alot to me to get your viewpoint.

About you conversations with your H. I found it hard at first also trying to decide what it meant to be lovingly detached - friendly without pursuing H. I think it takes time, trial and error to figure out the right combination with your H. I think it is good for him to feel some of the consequences of his actions (the boys not wanting to talk to him, etc.), and I think you're right to try and be kind to your H, but not pursue. Alot of times I wanted to call my H back and try to make him feel better, but I tried not to just as you're doing. One thing that I think helped in my sitch was that when my H expressed sadness about the children, I validated like crazy ("This must be really hard for you.") When I wanted to say "You woundn't have to miss them if you hadn't left."

I agree that the reasons your husband listed sound like relatively minor things. I remember thinking the same thing - that, yes, there are some issues, but none of them were a reason for him to leave. Maybe they are valid, but it seems there is an underlying emptyness in the WAS. The list just justifies him leaving in his mind, but there is more going on inside him.

Your H does seem to see this somewhat I think. He seems to recognize that he has things to work through and think about, which is a good thing.

The kissing is a good thing too. Even if it went no further, kissing is good. I would count it as a positive.


Hang in there. Give him some time to sort through things. Try not to worry about the unanswered emails. Give him some time.

Take care of Jackie. (((((((Jackie))))))) You are doing great.