Snap out of it bro. You are pissing away your life because you have some obstacles in it. Geez, who doesn't?
Personally, I think counseling is for the birds unless you are ready to work on what they have to teach you. If you are ready to do what they say and put the effort into it, great, if not, don't waste your time with counseling. Someone else could use it that is willing to put the work into it and follow the instructions/help given to them.
You are right, sitting there telling someone how you feel wronged doesn't fix your problems. And when you walk out of that office, your problems will still be there. But if you can learn how to cope with those problems and overcome those problems to enjoy a much fuller life, then you are getting somewhere. Coming here doesn't appear to be helping you either. I won't discount the advice given here as it is great advice. But you aren't ready to take it and work with it.
I think you are lonely and you use this as a means of venting to someone who will listen and respond back to you. But you don't really care what they say just as long as they are paying attention to you.
That is how it seems to me anyways.
Life is hard sometimes. You can make it harder by doing nothing other than sitting around whining about it, or you can improve it by keeping a PMA in the face of all and finding things to look forward to.
You should really take a lesson from CG. Her life hasn't been the easiest either and yet, she moves forward and finds ways to enjoy her life even amongst the issues of health and H. At least you have kids. Look in their eyes. Do they see a strong father or a broken father? My kids used to see a broken father. They no longer do. My kids see a strong father no matter how broken I may feel inside at times. What do you reflect to them? And even though I may have moments of things seeming difficult, I still find ways to enjoy my life. I plan for my future with or without my wife. I know I still have a future. I still have kids that need me and rely on me. There are still fun things I can look forward to doing.
Is it lonely sometimes. Ya, it has its moments of loneliness. But do I stay lonely? Nope. If I am feeling lonely, I will call up a friend and see if they want to get together. If not, I will call another one. If nobody is available, I will find something to do myself which could include any number of things that I may have an interest in doing at that point. But I am not going to just sit there and think, geez, I am lonely, my life sucks. Doing that just continues to suck. I get busy with something and before long I have accomplished something that I can feel better about.
But none of this matters until you are willing to change your outlook and decide there are still things worth doing and enjoying in your life even if there are some obstacles. Goodness, some people just piss away the gift of life because they don't have everything the way they want it. Learn to work with what you do have and build from there. Many people have done it in far worse situations than yours.
I can honestly talk to you this way because I pissed away a year and half of my life thinking like you. And in the end, thinking that way just kept me in misery. I had to break out of that and so I had to work mentally to change that. It didn't just come over night either. It takes a renewed effort every morning to say there are things to live for and I am going to find a way to do that.
One last thing, don't throw away the bible because you didn't get what you wanted. As bad as things may appear, they could always be worse and perhaps you are being spared worse. Nobody is promised a bed of roses in life. Your faith in God should have nothing to do with getting a bed of roses down here. Don't love God because there is something in it for you. Love God because He is all loving and loves you. Don't be so attached to this world that you are going to walk away from a glorius afterlife because you aren't getting what you want right now.
Pick yourself up and work towards the best life possible. If you run into an obstacle, find a way around it or through it and keep moving forward. Don't stop because one road was temporarily blocked. Be solution oriented. If one thing doesn't work, try something else. If that doesn't work, try something else. Something will eventually work.
K4D
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Well, James, I guess if you feel there is no point then there probably isn't. Not much else I can say.
A few weeks ago you were excited about the idea of C'ing and now you say it won't do any good. Sure, you can go back to work but do you think all the rage you feel will just magically go away?
Honestly, you sound like a real a-hole when you make comments that sniffing the grass will be your "cure all". Once again you glossed over what we are asking you to try and do for a few minutes each day and that is find *something* to be grateful for.
And you know what? There are many forum members that only have the support of this board and no IRL support.
I have had an infection in my lung for THREE weeks now. It is painful and scary and I haven't made ONE complaint about it. Yes, it sucks and I would much prefer NOT to have it but feeling sorry for myself won't make it go away.
We all get knocked down. We all have to pull ourselves up somehow. We all have to weave through the obstacles of life.
It certainly didn't sound like your life was sh*t when you posted how happy you were to see your son. It certainly didn't sound like your life was sh*t when you posted about how happy you are to see him over Memorial Day weekend. If the joy you felt seeing your son didn't fill you with *something* positive to carry along with you when times are tough I don't know what will.
Yep I don't see how the counseling is going to help.
Man my son wasn't happy to see me. His eyes didn't light up when he saw daddy. He was more concerned about WAW.
To be honest when I saw him and he asked about her my heart dropped.
I feel empty inside C.G. totally empty.
sorry bout your lung infection
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Snap out of it bro. You are pissing away your life because you have some obstacles in it. Geez, who doesn't?
Personally, I think counseling is for the birds unless you are ready to work on what they have to teach you. If you are ready to do what they say and put the effort into it, great, if not, don't waste your time with counseling. Someone else could use it that is willing to put the work into it and follow the instructions/help given to them.
You are right, sitting there telling someone how you feel wronged doesn't fix your problems. And when you walk out of that office, your problems will still be there. But if you can learn how to cope with those problems and overcome those problems to enjoy a much fuller life, then you are getting somewhere. Coming here doesn't appear to be helping you either. I won't discount the advice given here as it is great advice. But you aren't ready to take it and work with it.
I think you are lonely and you use this as a means of venting to someone who will listen and respond back to you. But you don't really care what they say just as long as they are paying attention to you.
That is how it seems to me anyways.
Life is hard sometimes. You can make it harder by doing nothing other than sitting around whining about it, or you can improve it by keeping a PMA in the face of all and finding things to look forward to.
You should really take a lesson from CG. Her life hasn't been the easiest either and yet, she moves forward and finds ways to enjoy her life even amongst the issues of health and H. At least you have kids. Look in their eyes. Do they see a strong father or a broken father? My kids used to see a broken father. They no longer do. My kids see a strong father no matter how broken I may feel inside at times. What do you reflect to them? And even though I may have moments of things seeming difficult, I still find ways to enjoy my life. I plan for my future with or without my wife. I know I still have a future. I still have kids that need me and rely on me. There are still fun things I can look forward to doing.
Is it lonely sometimes. Ya, it has its moments of loneliness. But do I stay lonely? Nope. If I am feeling lonely, I will call up a friend and see if they want to get together. If not, I will call another one. If nobody is available, I will find something to do myself which could include any number of things that I may have an interest in doing at that point. But I am not going to just sit there and think, geez, I am lonely, my life sucks. Doing that just continues to suck. I get busy with something and before long I have accomplished something that I can feel better about.
But none of this matters until you are willing to change your outlook and decide there are still things worth doing and enjoying in your life even if there are some obstacles. Goodness, some people just piss away the gift of life because they don't have everything the way they want it. Learn to work with what you do have and build from there. Many people have done it in far worse situations than yours.
I can honestly talk to you this way because I pissed away a year and half of my life thinking like you. And in the end, thinking that way just kept me in misery. I had to break out of that and so I had to work mentally to change that. It didn't just come over night either. It takes a renewed effort every morning to say there are things to live for and I am going to find a way to do that.
One last thing, don't throw away the bible because you didn't get what you wanted. As bad as things may appear, they could always be worse and perhaps you are being spared worse. Nobody is promised a bed of roses in life. Your faith in God should have nothing to do with getting a bed of roses down here. Don't love God because there is something in it for you. Love God because He is all loving and loves you. Don't be so attached to this world that you are going to walk away from a glorius afterlife because you aren't getting what you want right now.
Pick yourself up and work towards the best life possible. If you run into an obstacle, find a way around it or through it and keep moving forward. Don't stop because one road was temporarily blocked. Be solution oriented. If one thing doesn't work, try something else. If that doesn't work, try something else. Something will eventually work.
K4D
Tired of trying. I've fought hard. I'm ready to go. He should just put me out of my misery.
I'm dead damn serious.
I used to have all this hope and faith and caring but not anymore. Nope I don't have faith. None. ZIp. Zilch. Having faith and hope and believing and trying to push forward accomplished shyt.
My kids could really care less about me dude. I don't want to go "hang out" and do all that type of crap. I want for God to put me out of my misery.
If no one responds to my thread I'll just say oh well.
I'm not asking for a bed of roses. I'm asking for a break. FOr something I try to go my way. For some sign of hope. I see none. I see nothing getting better no matter how hard I try.
So I really don't have faith care or believe. I'd rather die.
I don't feel loved, cared about, anything. I'm just "here." If I was gone my life would NOT matter. I know it wouldn't. So what is the point?
It's a waste. I have spent hours, days, weeks and years trying to get this shyt resolved healthwise and nothing is happening.
Hang in there hang in there. For fuccing what? I'm tired of hearing that shyt. I'm hanging alright. With the my fingers sliding off the cliff. I'll fall soon enough
I fuccing hate this shyt. Like I said I'm mad at him. I tried hard. Nothing positive happens for me.
so what is the point? Why hope? Why have faith? Only to think I'm accomplishing something and have it fall apart? Every single thing? No thanks.
If I don't hope or have faith then I won't get hurt disappointed or anything else like that
I'm just going to sleep. When i'm sleep I don't have to worry about anything. I've done everything I can to try to get meds to have the surgeries to get shyt handled.
I'm sorry if I'm not as strong as you guys. to be honest I'm thinking about telling s3's mom to not let me see him anymore. I don't deserve to have a family anymore I guess.
I've failed and they are better off without me.
What am I trying for? More pain? More hurt? More disappointments? More hoping shyt is going to go right then have it tumble down? There is never a consistent positive thing going on anymore for me.
not one. Nothing to buidl upon. So what is the damn point? God should just put me out of my misery and end it. I'm tired of struggling suffering being hurt getting my hopes up and having them shot down. It's pointless and endless and no matter what solution I try. No matter what I try to do. NOTHING CHANGES.
This is pure fuccing hell. I can't stand it. I'd rather be dead than live another day like this.
Last edited by james217; 05/23/1008:59 PM.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Do you think this kind of attitude is going to ever make your wife look back at you? It wont. It is completely unattractive to her or any woman for that matter. They want to see strength and stability in the face of obstacles. You have the ability to change that in you. Nobody here can do that for you. You will ultimately decide what kind of life you live. I hope it is not the current choice. How miserable that would be.
Choose to be happy or choose to be miserable. But you will end up being miserable alone because most people can only take so much of that.
Your choice,
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
James - you've been here as long as I have. We all have our troubles. It is useless to try and compete about who has the worst. Look at your own and deal with them as best you can. Small positive steps lead to more positive steps. Positive attitude makes the sh1t easier to deal with. But only you can do it.
People on here will only reiterate the same advice so many times............
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Do you think this kind of attitude is going to ever make your wife look back at you? It wont. It is completely unattractive to her or any woman for that matter. They want to see strength and stability in the face of obstacles. You have the ability to change that in you. Nobody here can do that for you. You will ultimately decide what kind of life you live. I hope it is not the current choice. How miserable that would be.
Choose to be happy or choose to be miserable. But you will end up being miserable alone because most people can only take so much of that.
Your choice,
Kevin
She doesn't seem to care anywaz. I'll try to be happy but I'm miserable man. I really do try but I don't see anything to be happy about.
Ive been fighting and fighting and fighting and you get worn down and discouraged when yhou don't see anything positive happening.
How long are you supposed to stay positive and keep taking hits? it's only so many I can take
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
If God wanted you dead, you'd be in the ground right now. He obviously doesn't.
Who knows why? Maybe its because years from now he wants you to have credibility when you run into another james217 at the end of his rope. So you can tell him about the day you ran out of hope, and yet found enough strength to turn to God and ask him to get you through another day.
When you start making it about others and stop making it about yourself, you may see some benefits. God has a plan for you, and it is not to have you sitting around saying "Why me?"
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
If God wanted you dead, you'd be in the ground right now. He obviously doesn't.
Who knows why? Maybe its because years from now he wants you to have credibility when you run into another james217 at the end of his rope. So you can tell him about the day you ran out of hope, and yet found enough strength to turn to God and ask him to get you through another day.
When you start making it about others and stop making it about yourself, you may see some benefits. God has a plan for you, and it is not to have you sitting around saying "Why me?"
I have made it about others. That's probably why I'm in this position in the first place. Always trying to help anyone I could. Sacrificing. Trusting. Believing. Helping.
and yes I do wonder why me?
I'm tired of being sick and feeling like a cripple. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of being without my family. I'm drained worn down and I just don't have the energy.
I honestly wish someone could walk in my shoes right now. Just for a few hours and see what it's like. I'm really really frustrated and fed up.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Do you think this kind of attitude is going to ever make your wife look back at you? It wont. It is completely unattractive to her or any woman for that matter. They want to see strength and stability in the face of obstacles. You have the ability to change that in you. Nobody here can do that for you. You will ultimately decide what kind of life you live. I hope it is not the current choice. How miserable that would be.
Choose to be happy or choose to be miserable. But you will end up being miserable alone because most people can only take so much of that.
Your choice,
Kevin
She doesn't seem to care anywaz. I'll try to be happy but I'm miserable man. I really do try but I don't see anything to be happy about.
Ive been fighting and fighting and fighting and you get worn down and discouraged when yhou don't see anything positive happening.
How long are you supposed to stay positive and keep taking hits? it's only so many I can take
James217,
There is one thing that is true. Either your wife/gf is eventually going to have nothing to do for you OR you are going to get tired of her bull-crap, or she will stop playing games with you. It eventually happens.
Getting tired of their bull-crap is not a bad thing either, because you realize in your mind and heart that they are not going to stop it and you start doing whats right for you. When you are tired of her bull-crap you won't even want to post here about it, or talk about it. Life will get better.
I hope you can recover your relationship, but if not I hope you tire of her bull-crap before you take too much more damage.
