H called and asked if he could come over and talk - I sounded good on phone (not overly happy and not crying). He came over and immediately wanted to talk about selling the house, who would get the dog, etc. I was caught very off guard as he just left yesterday - I understand these things need to be discussed but I have no barring right now.
I told him that I would need to speak with my lawyer about those things. He seemed surprised and asked why we needed a lawyer and thought we could do everything amicable (which we can I just would like to seek legal counsel). He said that he hoped I trusted him enough that it wouldn't come to that.
He said he wanted to sell the house because he couldnt get an apartment unless we did that and I said unfortunately, he was the one that choose to leave the relationship and I would need more time to discuss.
Then I had to say a few things that in hindsight I'm not sure were "right" or "wrong" but I needed to say my piece. I will not bring them up again but the short of it was that my life will go on with or without him. I said that I felt that he was harboring resentments of me over the past ten years and bottlign everything up inside and those disagreements and disappointments have added up over the years and never been dealt with. He agreed but said we tried counseling and I said that we never really got to the core issues. I said that I'm open to working on our marriage and always will be and that my door is open and I said that I hoped he found what he was looking for. He was crying and saying that he thought he was doing the right thing for now and was "pretty sure" this is what he wanted. I said that I felt scared for him because we didn't deal with all our issues that those would get carried into his next relationship and that although he thought he would be happier without me that happiness come from inside yourself. He said he was going to take a shower and I said that I did not feel comfortable with that since he no longer lived there - too dramatic? I obviously wanted him to stay longer but I felt like I had to put my foot down.
I understand he wants things to go amicably but I dont want this. I don't feel like should just have to sell the house because he wants me to so he can get an apartment. Part of me also feel bad (because I still love him). He seemed hurt by that as though I was letting him down and he thought it would be easier.
He asked me if I could leave him on my insurance until his open enrollment and I said I would have to think about it. What should I do? I don't want him to walk all over me but at the same time I'm just not sure how to handle it.
Same thing with the lawyer service...I pay $20 per month and we have free lawyer service and he asked if we could get a mediator through that and I said would be taking him off the lawyer service as I did not feel comfortable.
I said that it was all a little much for the day and I understood his issues but would appreciate several more days to discuss and think about things.
How did I do? He was visibly upset and crying and said "do I think sometimes I might lie in bed and wonder if I made a mistake? Yes, I probably will but right now I think this is the right thing to do".
I guess I'm having a lot of trouble not please him. For instance, he wants to put the house on the market and I know it disappointed him that I didn't just do what he wanted. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do.
I did cry some, I know that is against the "rules" but I couldnt help it. I have been with him for 10 years and it was painful. He also said it was the most painful thing for him also.
Please any advice, anything at all.
My thought is that it ain't over until it's over. I need more advice specifically about how I'm suppose to handle his demands and splitting of things.
