Well here's mine

[Barkley]

Thanks.....I am going to do my best and if it doesn't work, so be it. I am not a bad catch myself

[PEI]

I feel like this is all a bad dream and hopefullt I might wake up

Oh, does this hit home. Every once in a while I still feel this, and I remind myself that this is not a dream, and I am not going to 'wake up' from it. It's not that easy. And then I get back to work ... on my PMA, on GAL and my 180s.

Thanks.....I am going to do my best and if it doesn't work, so be it. I am not a bad catch myself

Now that, my friend, is PMA! Good for you (((hugs)))

Peace
PEI

[sandi2]

I think what your W said about what most women would have done if they had been M to you is probably right. So you throw things when you are angry? I can promise you that this gal would not have put up with that for a second. But, when she mentioned it you responded as if it was the first you knew about it.

I have been talking with a couple who has the same problems. He treated her like a piece of cr@p for all the years they were M. He claims what he did was not "that" bad. I think he has made himself believe that, and it might be that it was b/c she kept forgiving him and putting up with him.

Men can't seem to understand how a woman can "continually" forgive the H and then one day it's like they can't do it anymore. She's done, through, ready to get out of it.

Anyway, I wonder if you are trying to downplay your anger and other faults to her. I got that impression in your letter to her.

It makes no difference to me, but if you try to make "her" think that it's just her feelings and that you really weren't that bad, then you're cutting your own throat. She knows what's what. The Bible says to "confess" our sins, which means to "state" what it is. It would help you and your W if you would actually state what you did to hurt her instead of just trying to put it in one basket and refer to it as your faults. I don't mean state it here, but tell her. It must be hard for some men to do b/c you are not the only one who seems to have that problem, but it would be very healing for both you & your W.

Back to the couple I've talked to.....she told me she just wanted him to admit what he's done. He won't. So, they won't be getting back together. Sad, huh? Pride is a terrible thing.....or is it stubborness?

[Barkley]

Sandi,

My first instinct was to get defensive about this, but after thinking about it, you may have a point. I will try a heartfelt apology with no "but's" in it. I would like to add one thing for you to think about though, you mentioned "as women" above, well "as men" we are NOT mind readers. I had absolutely NO IDEA she was unhappy until she finally said something. Had I known, I would have changed some things a long time ago. I don't think ya'll beleive us when we tell you this. It is NOT a lame excuse....we just don't communicate the same way sometimes

[sandi2]

I guess that's why I don't talk to many of the LBW's who come here. They get offended real quick at my posts and I don't have a lot of patient with them. But, the men seem to be able to take it better and I hope you will be one of those who do.

Yes, it is hard for a W to believe that she could be that unhappy without her H even having a clue,but that is what the majority of the men say.....they didn't know. In some cases the W tries to express this to her H,but according to some men their W kept it hidden......so I don't know if it is lack of communication or "bad" communication.

But I have learned that it seems to be important to most women that the H state what he did wrong.....if he knows what it is. For a woman, it just doesn't seem enough to simply say that you regret the past or that you're sorry she was unhappy. If your drinking was behind a lot of problems, then you have made great strides in stopping that. What other areas have you changed? What about your temper? How do you handle that now?

The hard thing about the M breakdown is when a WAW is "done" then it is very hard to draw her back. It's as if the LBH can do nothing right in her eyes. You'd think she would be excited over his changes, but a lot of times he sees her angry about it instead of happy. It's b/c he waited until she was completly through with the M before he woke up,so that's another reason he must make improvements for himself and not just to win her back.

I hope that you can be specific with her about your faults. I also encourage you to offer no excuses. It will be hard for you b/c you want to do it, but it will go much better if you do not do that. As long as you try to defend yourself, she will see you not accepting your part of the breakdown. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but I think it is how we women are wired.

The good thing about this board is that we help each other learn how the opposite sex thinks.

[Barkley]

Thank's for the input....I'm going to give that a try

[Barkley]

Really hurting today

[idontunderstand]

Really hurting today

I hope you are okay.

Try to expect the ups and downs. It is brutal, but you can count on it. The roller coaster.

Take care of yourself and come here and vent your frustrations.

[Coach]

Really hurting today

stay busy-

exercise

pray

play with the dog/kids

make small talk in line

work with your hands

[sandi2]

Is this one of those exceptional hard days or has something new happened?