Quote: it is the past that has me befuddled. What can I do about that? It is over, I can only apologize so much for not realizing it meant so much to him.
H has to work through all of this on his own. You've apologized enough. I'm saying this because there were issues in our marriage that I was mad at H about, but I really thought about them and I realized that I was mad because H hadn't responded the way I WANTED H to, H responded to them the way that H WANTED to, MY expectations didn't match H's. So many thing about my past have made me resentful and angry, but I've managed to address those issues and have not let them go. You are right, you cannot change the past, H has to forgive and let some of the things in the past go and move on at some point or it can swallow a person up and make them angry and bitter.
Quote: The men seemed to feel left out b/c their W's become so busy with the kids. I know they just don't seem to get how much work it is for the W. After their long hours at work - they seem to expect their W's to be there for them when they get home. They miss their W's and the alone time they use to have together. The new kid centered life seems to be a tough adjustment. The lack of understanding makes no sense to me - but that is one the big things my male co-workers use to complain about.
So it is possible your H has felt neglected since you guys had kids. I am not sure how to address this w/o pursuing behavior. I guess, it your H opens the door for discussion, maybe you need to set up a date night a week and perhaps a weekend getaway just for the two of you every two months.
I remember not too long after we had our baby, H came home from work one night and I was sitting on the couch with our baby (probably was getting two to three hours of sleep at the most) and H said to me "what did you do all day!? I think H thought that since I was home all day I'd have dinner waiting for him besides everything else I had done all day."
I KNOW my H felt this way and I did put all of my time into our son, son needed me, but so did H. I was either too tired, didn't want to go out and leave son alone, couldn't do this or do that, BUT they were all EXCUSES. I didn't want to put any effort into my H, H was at the bottom of my list. It was actually at the point that my H started going out a lot and met OW, that I finally felt I was able to start giving my H more attention and doing more things with H, but it was too late.
Quote: but sometimes WAS change the reasons for leaving once the original reasons are no longer valid....
I agree with this, as each time I did something that H had complained I didn't do, H would find another reason why he wasn't happy. I figured this out a few months ago and so when I make a change I do it for myself, not because it was something my H didn't like that I didn't do for H. My H went through every reason at least once and then started over again!!
