Forgot to mention: W is very concerned about losing touch with my family. She wants to go to a big family event this summer, after we break the news to my family.
Don't most WAW who want D cut all ties in their quest to move on?
confused...
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Heck, me and most of us here are confused. I am having a lucid moment.
One thing clear here is that she probably isn't even being honest with herself anymore, let alone you. You can't figure her out if you can't even figure yourself out, can you?
Seriously, though. It's a waste of time probing the inconsitencies looking for a sliver of hope. All the inconsistencies tell you is that she isn't being honest.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Thanks, TH. It is quite clear she is going to file, and already is working on the physical separation and asset division. It is a done deal in her mind, near as I can tell. I am going NC for 3 weeks to let her sort things out and hopefully let her depression ease. Wonder if she will even try to contact me while I am gone?
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Hi AC, I think being NC for the three weeks sounds like a good thing for you to do - like you said, it will not only allow her to sort things out on her own, but it will also give you a chance to heal a bit and keep from being pulled into another tumble. Take care, PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
W is talking D, showing me the houses she is looking to buy, determing property division, all interspersed with a heavy dose of 'woe is me'. Her life is over, heart is broken, going to be alone forever. It is as if I am dumping her, instead of the other way around.
It really is tearing me apart.
3 weeks on NC will be good. No idea what I will find upon my return.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Yeah, she's yanking your chain because she knows how.
No offense (and please don't use this to get angry because it is unproductive), but she did this, and all the blaming you and pushing your buttons (she knows them well) to make you feel sorry for her is not helping you or her.
You can't help her with her mess. You need to find a way to detach for your own good.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
W is talking D, showing me the houses she is looking to buy, determing property division, all interspersed with a heavy dose of 'woe is me'. Her life is over, heart is broken, going to be alone forever. It is as if I am dumping her, instead of the other way around.
It really is tearing me apart.
This is pure BS and you need to call her on it. One thing I've learned through all this is that love needs to be tough sometimes. She is behaving in an incredibly selfish, immature manner, and you, as her H, partner, and friend, need to call her on it. It may not save your M, but trust me, it will not do any more damage, and very well might do some good.
You need to strongly and confidently say something like "W, I am not going to stand here and listen to your self pity. I've made myself clear that I want to save our M. You are choosing to end it. If you are determined to get a D, I can't stop you, but I will not tolerate you putting it on me. From this point on, if you want to discuss the ways we can work to save our M, I'm willing to talk. If you just want to harp on the past over and over and blame me, I have no interest in being around you." Then walk away and let her sit with your words for a while. If she pursues and tries to argue, put up your hand and say "I am not going to argue about this. I've told you how I feel."
Confident stands like that get people's attention. It makes them take a look at their own behavior. It gives them a chance to see their behavior from your eyes. I really think she's looking for you to help her by pointing out her BS, since she's wallowing in it so much she can't see it herself.
Sad today. Leaving tomorrow for 3 weeks, and will be NC with W.
Yesterday she asked me to run errands with her, and gave me a book on D when she arrived. Told me later that day there was no joy in her life. Texts me to go to a party, meets me there, and essentially ignores me. The mixed signals are killing me, but perhaps I am looking too hard for positive signs.
I think I just have to let her go through with the D. It is her primary focus. Not even sure if I know what I am fighting for anymore.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
