Why do I still hurt? And why do I still wish that I could 'fix' things, and make the situation better for all of us?
Because you are human. Because you made a commitment and expected to see it through for your ENTIRE life, not just until you felt like walking away from it, or something that sounded better came along. Because you actually meant the vows you took.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn