The main thing that hurts me is the other women thing. He is complaining that he is so lonely (the young OW is not single and just stringing my H along), and actively sweet-talking about three or four different women (lying to all o them that they're the "only one" he's talking to). He is dating, and thinks nothing about me or our kids or our marriage:-( This is what makes me think there is no hope. He seems deadset on us never getting back together and moving on with another woman.
Is there a chance I'm wrong? Anyone have a story of MLC spouse simular to mine in which the spouse did end up coming back to reconcile the marriage?
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
Have you read the list of reconciled marriages near the top of the board? Follow some of the stories there and see if any are similar to your sitch.
One thing I can tell you is that it does get easier. Use this time for your own journey. You can't control or fix your H but you can do that for yourself. You have been sent on this path not by choice, but it is your choice what you make of it.
Rlay sorry your h is acting this way. Anything is possible. SA is correct you can't control your h or stop him from doing what he is doing.
Do spend this time working on yourself. A good website that really helped me was divorceasfriends. Not the D part, but it had some good insight about letting go etc. It really helped me to see another perspective. You might want to check that out.
What is it that you would like to see from your h? Maybe think about that and work towards how you could possibly positively influence the situation.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
RLay, Your h is attempting to self medicate w/women. He hasn't found the "soulmate" of his dreams and that's why he continues to cry that he is lonely. He hasn't come to the conclusion yet, that happiness comes from within and that his soulmate is right at home w/his family.
Women, drugs, sex, gambling, drinking, doping, etc. are all self medications. They will work for a short period of time and then they move on to something else that makes them feel good. The women he's seeing are nothing more than company to listen to him and stroke his ego and yes, most likely sex. I know that this isn't what you want to read today, but he is acting out and acting just like a teenager and when they are like this, they will be experimenting for months to come.
Is there hope? Of course, there's always hope and you have to have faith in God, for he is the only one that can repair your h right now. I know it hurts like heck, but there's nothing you can do about him; but you can take are of yourself and your children and be the best listener you can be for them. They need you now more than ever.
The most important thing to do is take care of yourself. Allow God to work on your h.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I always have a tough couple of days after my youngest two boys have to return back to their dad on Sundays. :-( They are both always upset and the youngest (a "mommy's boy") is inconsolable and begging me to let him stay with me. :-(
How is "freedom" and getting to date all these different women WORTH having your wife and children in so much pain? Why isn't the pain he has to see in us enough to snap him out of this? Maybe I really was just that bad of a wife that he HAD to get rid of me... I'm just feeling like DIRT right now... ::sigh::
M: 34 WAH: 38 (in MLC) Together: 11 years Married since: November 2000 DS: 15 DS: 11 DS: 10 ILYBINILWY: Dec. 2009 Living separately since: April 2010
RLay, this is all part of the routine. The simple answer to your question about him being after other women is, he simply doesn't care. He is totally selfish and that isn't going to change for quite some time, if at all. Of course he is going to blame you for everything, he will not take responsibility for anything. This is also not going to change anytime soon, if at all.
RLay, this is all part of the routine. The simple answer to your question about him being after other women is, he simply doesn't care. He is totally selfish and that isn't going to change for quite some time, if at all. Of course he is going to blame you for everything, he will not take responsibility for anything. This is also not going to change anytime soon, if at all.
It takes people many years to snap out of these things. What usually snaps them out of it is a bad situation. So it will have to be a bad date(s), that causes him to evaluate his life at this point. He may see that he was being stupid, and actually wasting time passing through all the different women, agenda's, problems, etc. Like I said it takes along time for it to happen.
I wouldn't wait on him if he's continuing in that direction.
The best thing to do for you right now, is to do for you. Just like Snodderly said above.
Things are not always as they appear, and the monsters you are letting in your head will drive you nuts.
This is hard, surviving a spouse in MLC is most difficult thing you will ever stare down. It will rock your sense of self worth and question every piece of rationality that you have.
The ONLY way to have a shred of a chance, is to live for you. Fix you. Work on you...
There are no guarantees in this, that your marriage will be rebuilt.
The only guarantee is that YOU will come through this a better , stronger person, and that is all that matters.
Take this time to really evaluate the things in life that YOU want.
Realistically, that is what he is doing...
Only thing is, You get to do that without all of the confusion, lying, and manipulation that our MLCers do it with.
In time, you will view this as a gift from him to you. One that allowed you to become the person you want/need to be.
There will be down times. Spend that time in the resources,and archives, really understand this thing called MLC.
In time, you will realize that success, and what you consider being a success, will depend on you, and not your marital status.
This is YOUR time Rlay.....
My advice would be for you to dig down deep, understand MLC, and then work on you before you make any decisions regarding your future...
I do know, however, that I feel a bit better today than I did 6 months ago, and definately much stronger then about a year ago when WH left.
No one deserves to be treated the way WASs treat their LBSs. You can put whatever labels on it you want, but the bottom line is that we trusted them, we were committed to them, we were loving to them, and they treat us worse then they would treat enemies. There is something wrong with them. Really. They can't handle the reality of their lives, or their brains are messed up with depression, or whatever.
I don't know what else to say. Try to find something to do, even for a few hours. Nap, work out, watch TV, have good cry, and wait for time to pass and you WILL get stronger and you WILL heal.
