Snodderly, Thank you so much for answering that for me.
My H is a prideful man, IF there ever comes a time when he might admit that what he's done was a mistake is there anything I could do to let him know he could come to me and trust that I wouldn't squash what pride he has left?
I have felt this way for a while now and hope that it wouldn't change for me no matter what our circumstances are when/if it happens.
When the time comes, if it comes, the door will open just enough to allow you to step through it. At that time, you will be given the opportunity to let him know that you forgive him and that is when he very well come take the huge step of saying what is on his mind.
Until that time comes, you will continue down the path just as you have been doing.
SA, I truly believe that God always sets us on the path that will allow the door to open in his time and he feels it is right.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have thought of that same question. I think my H is pretty proud too but he did come back and admit he made a huge mistake the first time he did this so who knows...maybe some day he will again!
Snodderly said:
"SA, I truly believe that God always sets us on the path that will allow the door to open in his time and he feels it is right."
We just have to believe! Have a good day!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
SA - thanks for asking the question about pride and the open door. I have wondered this as well. If a year or two down the road things don't work out with the OW, I worry my H's pride will keep him from coming back or saying anything to me.
Guess Snodderly means we have to have faith and be open and available. Its hard to know if our MLC will have the strength to approach us again.
Hope you have a great Sunday! How did the wallpaper go?
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Foreversaid, That is exactly what I'm saying....you must have faith in God and in yourself, leave the door open and know that anything is possible in God's time, not ours. When you least expect it, the opportunity will present itself. When you are watching and waiting and looking for signs...it won't happen.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
FHS, LOL - You must have me mixed up with somebody else. Don't have any wallpapering going on right now.
I still catch myself trying to evaluate some of the things my H does/says. I'm working hard on trying to change that aspect about myself. I'm doing a lot better, although once in a while something happens that gets my curiosity going as I do find the mind of a MLCer fascinating at times....
I have finally learned not to let the things that H does or says upset me like they used to. I realize that he does not feel, act, or think like the man I married. I have stopped projecting the way I think or feel on to him because I believe that's the way he should feel or used to feel pre MLC. Hope I'm making sense here. For example, for past Christmases H would always buy me a book by a favorite author. Out of all his gifts, it's the one I would look most forward to. He would inscribe a beautiful message to me inside the cover. It meant the world to me and he knew it. Last Christmas, when he took our D's out shopping for me he let my D17 pick out a book by that author as one of her presents to me. What I had always held close to my heart as a special gift from him to me no longer meant the same to him. So many things that I held near and dear are now just memories as the man I married is aboard the mothership.
I have learned to accept the way it is and know there is nothing I can do to fix him. I can, however, fix myself and am busy with that...
Catching up on your thread this a.m.:) You sound like you are doing well. I am like you - I need to understand all I can about MLC, etc. It does help me to be able to deal with it all.
This question about the feelings for the LBS, pride, etc. have been on my mind a lot lately with where I seem to be in the journey and here it is being discussed on your thread.
BTW, I'm sure it was hard that your H had your D pick out the book at Christmas since it was always a thing he did. Maybe it was one of those things where in the twisted MLC mind he was afraid he would be sending you the "wrong message." I see it as a positive that he didn't forgo the tradition altogether, even if it wasn't picked out by him.
I am deeply ashamed to admit this, but where my mind was at the time was just a month or so post bomb. I had my D tell her dad to return the book. He was holding it at the ow's house for her. I believe my D knew after thinking about it what it may do to me so she had told me what they'd done. He had also shopped for ow at the same time he shopped for me. I told him to return all the stuff he'd bought for me from the girls as I didn't want anything from him.
I was still in shock and raw from all of it and H couldn't understand why I felt the way I did.
