Hugs to you. You belong here. H will get out on his own and when the newness wears off and he has time to clear his head, he will realize you are not the root of his problems. Make yourself that chica he fell in love with - thats what I am trying to do....we can do this together...
I am gonna paint my house for starters, and continue with the flylady stuff. I plan on a 27 boogie tonight....
Don't worry about the boys...at least H will take them and give you some time to yourself. You need it!
Thank you everyone for your support. It means so much.
Pam, I suspect you are right, H is hurting and confused. He said to me today as he dropped the kids off, don't think I'm enjoying this. Well, I guess to be honest, I know he isn't completely, but he is the one who chose this, some days I feel sorry for him and others I think he just needs to live with the consequences of his actions.
Totite, thanks for the post. I like the progress you have seen. I do need to see this time as an opportuninty for me, to expand on what I can and want to do and come up with tons of projects to do with that nervous energy.
Alaskangal--I like that statement, attrack him back, don't promote the M. I think that goes along with what you said, Cupcake, become who he fell in love with. That wasn't someone who always brought up the past and listed reasons why we should be together. He should be with me because I'm worth it, not because I have a good argument for the cause.
Mockers, I sure don't see where I'm strong. I feel like a train wreck! It is hard to see H is fearful, I see him more as a wimp who is unwilling to face reality and truths, but perhaps that is because of fear.
DB, we could give a sermon on perserverance. They don't get teh selfishness of their statements, do they?
Mal, Opt, Dotto, thanks for the support and I'm thinking of making the drive for the B-town get together. Be something different and would surprise my H.
What a weekend. H came over for the kids on Saturday, told me about his conversation with his parents--they weren't suprised, saw it coming, and for some reason this made me very upset. His parents are very old fashioned and quiet, she would always call when H was out of town, yet she didn't even call to check how I was doing after H walked out on his family. For some reason that hurt a lot. H said, I didn't even have to tell you about the conversation. So after they left I called my mom and in a moment of weakness, said she could come up.
I had my party on Saturday with 6 girlfriends. Two chocolate martinis put me under the table, but they all think I have bent over backwards this past year, and the two who didn't knowed were shocked, always thought our M was rock solid.
M arrived yesterday, after telling me she would just do what she could to support me, I have had to defend my actions to her. I made her read the two sections in DR about friends/family reactions and MLC. She was nice to H when he dropped off the kids.
I am having such a problem with my feelings towards my ILs. These are people who do the right things, but I have never felt truly welcome to the family. My FIL never talks, but MIL always has the little aside to say, comments on how I clean, dress the kids, why we don't visit enough, etc. etc. They always went over H's head, but I heard them. Also it was always the standing joke that they didn't like me, the other DIL was the preferred one. So all this is coming back full force and I'm furious. I said something to H about the conversation, but he defended them, adn stupid me should have realized that, I attack, he defends. But, why is it bothering me so much? After 17 years of striving for thier approval, never really getting it, why is their turning thier back on me hurting so much? All the times I heard, we are here if you need us, it times like this, apparently this was just an empty promise.
I hope you can make the trip. You are welcome to stay here. Marchare is coming also.
As for the in-laws same with me. The last time they spoke to me was at my step son's wedding Memorial Day weekend. I must admit I was initially upset, now I don't care. I am glad my family has taken the high road and is treating H as they always have with love, friendship and respect.
Like you I was not the favored DIL. My MIL is angry because she wasn't asked to do anyhting for the wedding and I was very involved. I am very close to my DIL and her Mom. They were wonderful including me in everything.
Remember it's their loss. When I asked H the other day he also attacked. Said they are upset with me for the way I handled the D and alimony. Oh well.
Quote: He should be with me because I'm worth it, not because I have a good argument for the cause.
This struck a cord with me today. I fall into this trap often. I can mentally list the reasons we should be together, but actions speak louder than words.
You are very strong. And you show this to your H, your children and all of us every day. 1. You get up every day. 2. You take care of yourself. 3. You feed, care for and love two children. 4. You have not left. 5. You took the boys to Disney by yourself. 6. You are concerned for the feelings of others, including those who have hurt you. 7. You are maintaining a stable home for the boys - they feel secure in your love. 8. You are showing your H compassion, patience, understanding and what it means to be there for better or worse. 9. You have told your mom what you need from her right now. 10. Your sense of humor is terrific. 11. You reach out to all of us every day here.
I know you probably don't feel strong right now, but looking in from the outside, you look strong to me. When you're living it, it's almost impossible on some days to feel how strong you are. In the time after my H moved out, I remember feeling like I wasn't sure I could take another step. I'm not trying to talk you out of your feelings. Just wanted you to know the strength I see in you.
Quote: yet she didn't even call to check how I was doing after H walked out on his family.
This was true for me as well. I couldn't believe they stayed so silent. My FIL called a couple of times after my H went to work out of town, but never said anything about what has been going on. My MIL said something only very recently. It is very hurtful. I finally decided that they didn't know what to say, they felt so badly about what H has done. I think psluke said it perfectly ~
Quote: I think if I don't exist they don't have to see their son walked out on his wife.
Good for you having your party! I would like to try a chocolate martini!
Keep hanging in there, Jackie. You are an inspiration to me and to so many others here. I promise the pain will ease some. Use this time for you. To do things you've been wanting to do for yourself. Treat yourself gently.
Going to Boston sounds like alot of fun! Wish I could go!
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Just found this on kml's thread - a post by Holdingon - and thought you'd like it - just in case you haven't seen it. It is refering to the whole process of DB'ing.
Was just thinking this today. How do any of us do it? How do we hang in there? I guess by not asking, just by doing, one moment at a time.
This is my first time to cut and paste here (thanks Ellie for the instructions), so we'll see how it looks.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Just checking on you, I too think you are being very strong.
I know I wouldn't have made Disney World by myself, especially with two young children to watch after!
You are doing much better than you feel like you are doing.
I sent David the link to your last thread and this one and asked if he felt like it sometime if he would read them over to see if he could give you any more insight.
Hope I haven't said too much I wouldn't want him to read!!
Take care of Jackie
{{{{{{{{Jackie}}}}}}}}}}
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hugs and prayers, Jackie..I know..h moved out 1 year ago today..but days will get better...you can choose to keep moving ahead or let it all consume you..you are strong..and you have some great kids to brighten each down day you may have.
