I just can't take it anymore

[DaddyLongShanks]

you get a new woman, and you'll wonder what the hell you where thinking for putting up with that crap. Not your fault main.

[Serenity13]

James~

We have had this conversation before...Let me try this again...

In order for your wife to be bi-polar, there has to be signs...Not just one or two...It can't be diagnosed by you either...

Your W is playing the blame game and you are doing everything in your power to stick her in a nice neat box to justify what she has done...

Can't fit her in the MLC box or the PTSD box so let's try the bi-polar box...How about instead you call a spade a spade or in this case a cheater a cheater...

Just because a person has bi-polar doesn't mean they are going to cheat on you...Yes they can have a high sex drive however most spouses are happy for that...Being bi-polar isn't an excuse for crappy behavior, lack of morals, character or judgement, it isn't an excuse for destroying lives and it isn't an excuse for sleeping around...

I was diagnosed 23 years ago and I don't cheat, I don't have multiple sex partners and I don't go around destroying people...I have a head on my shoulders and a brain in that head...Know what I do with that? I use it.

Stop handing her a justification on a silver platter and start working on yourself...

Konfuseeed asked for 30 days from you - I asked for 7...7 days without worrying about what your wife is doing, who she is doing or where she is doing it...You couldn't even give me 1 day...

How about an hour? One whole hour? Instead of saying she isn't ever going to talk to you again or she is never coming back or you hate being here and want to die because your family was everything and now you have nothing, try being thankful for the gift in front of you...

You woke up today and somewhere, someone else didn't...You have a roof over your head and right now someone is sleeping on the street in the rain, you have food in your belly and a child is going to bed hungry tonight...

Find something positive to focus on otherwise the negative is going to change you into a bitter and hateful man.

(((Hugs)))

[james217]

James~

We have had this conversation before...Let me try this again...

In order for your wife to be bi-polar, there has to be signs...Not just one or two...It can't be diagnosed by you either...

Your W is playing the blame game and you are doing everything in your power to stick her in a nice neat box to justify what she has done...

Can't fit her in the MLC box or the PTSD box so let's try the bi-polar box...How about instead you call a spade a spade or in this case a cheater a cheater...

Just because a person has bi-polar doesn't mean they are going to cheat on you...Yes they can have a high sex drive however most spouses are happy for that...Being bi-polar isn't an excuse for crappy behavior, lack of morals, character or judgement, it isn't an excuse for destroying lives and it isn't an excuse for sleeping around...

I was diagnosed 23 years ago and I don't cheat, I don't have multiple sex partners and I don't go around destroying people...I have a head on my shoulders and a brain in that head...Know what I do with that? I use it.

Stop handing her a justification on a silver platter and start working on yourself...

Konfuseeed asked for 30 days from you - I asked for 7...7 days without worrying about what your wife is doing, who she is doing or where she is doing it...You couldn't even give me 1 day...

How about an hour? One whole hour? Instead of saying she isn't ever going to talk to you again or she is never coming back or you hate being here and want to die because your family was everything and now you have nothing, try being thankful for the gift in front of you...

You woke up today and somewhere, someone else didn't...You have a roof over your head and right now someone is sleeping on the street in the rain, you have food in your belly and a child is going to bed hungry tonight...

Find something positive to focus on otherwise the negative is going to change you into a bitter and hateful man.

(((Hugs)))

i didn't diagnose her. When I was going through our medical records. I noticed the pill combination they were giving her. The diagnosis was on the back of the document in scrawled handwriting with a referral to outpatient. I don't know how I missed it. I knew she was supposed to be getting outpatient but it didn't hit me as to why.

WAW would never ever ever ever ever ever ever give up on SD8. EVER.

DLS not everyone wants to just date and go out and have fun with other people like that. Not even interested.

No her behavior is NOT RIGHT. It's totally shytty.

Ok ill go the 7 to 30 days. I won't say a word here. Not on the boards not on im. NOt anywhere.

Because people are expecting me to INSTANTLY HEAL instantly move forward and forget about someone I care about deeply and my family.

That's great. If I could trade places or give my life for one of those starving african children or haiti kids guess what? It really wouldn't matter to me.

I know what it is to have been one of those people. Went through it last year. Only to be close to being back there again. So what's the point? What does any of this matter?

YOu are talking to someone who doesn't care if he drops dead this next second. I'd honestly be happy as fucc right now if it happened.

if i'm sleeping outside tommorrw it really wouldn't matter. So let's wake up everyday and sniff the fresh air and say how beautiful this shytty selfish evil planet is.

Here's my prayer for tonight

Dear lord,

I would like to thank you for waking me up today. I am so blessed. I lost everything last year, fought and had faith and believed only to have it taken from me again. I can't get my state benefits, disability, or any assistance and I feel ike a prisoner trapped in my own mind and body. Why do you grant us love only to take it away? What is the purpose of it? Why have humans and every other creature on this awful planet? What is the point? But today I had breakfast. For thank I am thankful!!! That will help all of my problems be fixed. I am thankful for all these disabilities. I'm thankful for having very little emotional support. I am thankful for all of this. I may not have been a perfect christian but I have always tried to care about people. I may get upset and make mistakes but I've also tried to help yet it seems like you want my life to be a pathetic pile of feces consistently allowing me to go through horrible miserable situations that most people should not have to deal with. For that I am thankful.

Is that what I'm supposed to say? Because right now I really am mad. I can't catch a break. I don't win in ANY SITUATION. Nothing good has occured. Yet I'm supposed to grin and smile and be this positive person?

Yep sure!!!!!!!!!

and I"m not mad at you serenity. not in the slightest.

I CANNOT CATCH A FREAKING BREAK.

I'm tired of it. I've fought my whole life tooth and nail. I've just consistently battled and it hasn't gotten any easier. Yet I'm supposed to be all happy like a carebear or smurf singing praises and hymns wondering why the heck I can't just have my family get rid of these freaking ailments work like a normal human being and have a decent life? Is that too much to ask for?

Obviously so. What am I fighting for? What am I struggling for? To wake up the next day and it still be the same crap no matter what I try to do to change it? No matter how many emails or calls I make to resolve things? Not just with WAW but trying to get the surgery and everything else.

All my life I've tried to see the silver lining. No more. For what? It's a freaking joke. My M and life wasn't the best but I had faith that was until my world fell out from under me again. So why should I believe now? For what? So it can happen again? What's the point of even trying or living or fighting?

Everytime I get my hopes up thinking i've finally gotten a break with ANYTHING GOING ON WITH ME it ends up being smoke and mirrors or some total bullshyt

[james217]

wasnt that a great prayer?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[CityGirl]

I really don't understand how you feel you have had very little emotional support. You (IMO) have had lots of support on this board. Didn't Serenity stay up the ENTIRE night with you? Hell, even a DB Coach chimed in which is rare.

Instead of stopping for a few minutes to be thankful for the support you *do* have you focus on the support you *don't* have.

Nobody is saying that sniffing the fresh air and eating breakfast will take all your problems away. What we are suggesting is to take a few minutes each day to think (express, write...whatever!) about what you do have to be grateful for. Even if what you feel you have is only basic.

You are not the only one with health problems, difficult family dynamics, financial issues or a cheating spouse. This board is FILLED with inspiration each day.

[lees]

James. It's time to grow up and take responsibility for your own life, actions and happiness. Harsh, but true. Only you can change this, and the only way to do that is to put in the effort. All the answers have been put on here SO many times.

[james217]

I really don't understand how you feel you have had very little emotional support. You (IMO) have had lots of support on this board. Didn't Serenity stay up the ENTIRE night with you? Hell, even a DB Coach chimed in which is rare.

Instead of stopping for a few minutes to be thankful for the support you *do* have you focus on the support you *don't* have.

Nobody is saying that sniffing the fresh air and eating breakfast will take all your problems away. What we are suggesting is to take a few minutes each day to think (express, write...whatever!) about what you do have to be grateful for. Even if what you feel you have is only basic.

You are not the only one with health problems, difficult family dynamics, financial issues or a cheating spouse. This board is FILLED with inspiration each day.

this board yes. IRL? no.

Oh I read the threads. After awhile you just don't want to read your own thread or other threads on here.

To be honest there's not anything I am grateful for. I'd rather not exist or be here.

I

[james217]

I really don't understand how you feel you have had very little emotional support. You (IMO) have had lots of support on this board. Didn't Serenity stay up the ENTIRE night with you? Hell, even a DB Coach chimed in which is rare.

Instead of stopping for a few minutes to be thankful for the support you *do* have you focus on the support you *don't* have.

Nobody is saying that sniffing the fresh air and eating breakfast will take all your problems away. What we are suggesting is to take a few minutes each day to think (express, write...whatever!) about what you do have to be grateful for. Even if what you feel you have is only basic.

You are not the only one with health problems, difficult family dynamics, financial issues or a cheating spouse. This board is FILLED with inspiration each day.

this board yes. IRL? no.

Oh I read the threads. After awhile you just don't want to read your own thread or other threads on here.

To be honest there's not anything I am grateful for. I'd rather not exist or be here.

IM TIRED WORN DOWN. and exhausted in every way possible. I dont see the point in me going through all of this. Just went through it. Had faith go through it again. Have faith for what? To get kicked again?

Soon as some progress begins something stupid happens or the state screws me over. Or it's something else. I honestly believe I'm cursed.

Even when things are set up to go a certain way and i've done everything that has been asked something stupid happens.

So like I said i'm sorry if appreciating clouds or snifffing the grass doesn't make me all sentimental and want to sing blessings and praises.

Like I said been there done that only to get smacked upside the head have people toy with my life like it's a joke refuse to keep their word or even do their damn jobs so I can get healthy.

but like I said I have pretty much no belief or faith because I feel like I'm being toyed with. I told serenity I'll probably never pick up a bible again.

It seems like it's a joke. I can't catch a break. I've tried very very very hard and this just isn't working. I've set goals and tried to achieve them only to have people just screw around.

So what's the point?

[james217]

James. It's time to grow up and take responsibility for your own life, actions and happiness. Harsh, but true. Only you can change this, and the only way to do that is to put in the effort. All the answers have been put on here SO many times.

If you honestly think I have not tried to put in the effort to resolve this stuff then you haven't really read my thread.

I wish you could trade places with me for like maybe a week then switch back into your own life just so you can give a testimonial and say "damn james how do you even roll out of bed everyday?"

my life is shyt and I don't see it changing either. The only thing the state wants me to do is go to stop fuccing anger management class instead of making sure my surgery gets done or they find out what's wrong with my brain. Or I get diabetes meds you shyt that is a real issue?

but that's great. Sitting around on some couch "talking about my feelings and why I'm angry" is going to solve my problems instead of getting healthy so I can go back to work.

LOL

[CityGirl]

Well, James, I guess if you feel there is no point then there probably isn't. Not much else I can say.

A few weeks ago you were excited about the idea of C'ing and now you say it won't do any good. Sure, you can go back to work but do you think all the rage you feel will just magically go away?

Honestly, you sound like a real a-hole when you make comments that sniffing the grass will be your "cure all". Once again you glossed over what we are asking you to try and do for a few minutes each day and that is find *something* to be grateful for.

And you know what? There are many forum members that only have the support of this board and no IRL support.

I have had an infection in my lung for THREE weeks now. It is painful and scary and I haven't made ONE complaint about it. Yes, it sucks and I would much prefer NOT to have it but feeling sorry for myself won't make it go away.

We all get knocked down. We all have to pull ourselves up somehow. We all have to weave through the obstacles of life.

It certainly didn't sound like your life was sh*t when you posted how happy you were to see your son. It certainly didn't sound like your life was sh*t when you posted about how happy you are to see him over Memorial Day weekend. If the joy you felt seeing your son didn't fill you with *something* positive to carry along with you when times are tough I don't know what will.