I just can't take it anymore

[james217]

James~

We have had this conversation before...Let me try this again...

In order for your wife to be bi-polar, there has to be signs...Not just one or two...It can't be diagnosed by you either...

Your W is playing the blame game and you are doing everything in your power to stick her in a nice neat box to justify what she has done...

Can't fit her in the MLC box or the PTSD box so let's try the bi-polar box...How about instead you call a spade a spade or in this case a cheater a cheater...

Just because a person has bi-polar doesn't mean they are going to cheat on you...Yes they can have a high sex drive however most spouses are happy for that...Being bi-polar isn't an excuse for crappy behavior, lack of morals, character or judgement, it isn't an excuse for destroying lives and it isn't an excuse for sleeping around...

I was diagnosed 23 years ago and I don't cheat, I don't have multiple sex partners and I don't go around destroying people...I have a head on my shoulders and a brain in that head...Know what I do with that? I use it.

Stop handing her a justification on a silver platter and start working on yourself...

Konfuseeed asked for 30 days from you - I asked for 7...7 days without worrying about what your wife is doing, who she is doing or where she is doing it...You couldn't even give me 1 day...

How about an hour? One whole hour? Instead of saying she isn't ever going to talk to you again or she is never coming back or you hate being here and want to die because your family was everything and now you have nothing, try being thankful for the gift in front of you...

You woke up today and somewhere, someone else didn't...You have a roof over your head and right now someone is sleeping on the street in the rain, you have food in your belly and a child is going to bed hungry tonight...

Find something positive to focus on otherwise the negative is going to change you into a bitter and hateful man.

(((Hugs)))

i didn't diagnose her. When I was going through our medical records. I noticed the pill combination they were giving her. The diagnosis was on the back of the document in scrawled handwriting with a referral to outpatient. I don't know how I missed it. I knew she was supposed to be getting outpatient but it didn't hit me as to why.

WAW would never ever ever ever ever ever ever give up on SD8. EVER.

DLS not everyone wants to just date and go out and have fun with other people like that. Not even interested.

No her behavior is NOT RIGHT. It's totally shytty.

Ok ill go the 7 to 30 days. I won't say a word here. Not on the boards not on im. NOt anywhere.

Because people are expecting me to INSTANTLY HEAL instantly move forward and forget about someone I care about deeply and my family.

That's great. If I could trade places or give my life for one of those starving african children or haiti kids guess what? It really wouldn't matter to me.

I know what it is to have been one of those people. Went through it last year. Only to be close to being back there again. So what's the point? What does any of this matter?

YOu are talking to someone who doesn't care if he drops dead this next second. I'd honestly be happy as fucc right now if it happened.

if i'm sleeping outside tommorrw it really wouldn't matter. So let's wake up everyday and sniff the fresh air and say how beautiful this shytty selfish evil planet is.

Here's my prayer for tonight

Dear lord,

I would like to thank you for waking me up today. I am so blessed. I lost everything last year, fought and had faith and believed only to have it taken from me again. I can't get my state benefits, disability, or any assistance and I feel ike a prisoner trapped in my own mind and body. Why do you grant us love only to take it away? What is the purpose of it? Why have humans and every other creature on this awful planet? What is the point? But today I had breakfast. For thank I am thankful!!! That will help all of my problems be fixed. I am thankful for all these disabilities. I'm thankful for having very little emotional support. I am thankful for all of this. I may not have been a perfect christian but I have always tried to care about people. I may get upset and make mistakes but I've also tried to help yet it seems like you want my life to be a pathetic pile of feces consistently allowing me to go through horrible miserable situations that most people should not have to deal with. For that I am thankful.

Is that what I'm supposed to say? Because right now I really am mad. I can't catch a break. I don't win in ANY SITUATION. Nothing good has occured. Yet I'm supposed to grin and smile and be this positive person?

Yep sure!!!!!!!!!

and I"m not mad at you serenity. not in the slightest.

I CANNOT CATCH A FREAKING BREAK.

I'm tired of it. I've fought my whole life tooth and nail. I've just consistently battled and it hasn't gotten any easier. Yet I'm supposed to be all happy like a carebear or smurf singing praises and hymns wondering why the heck I can't just have my family get rid of these freaking ailments work like a normal human being and have a decent life? Is that too much to ask for?

Obviously so. What am I fighting for? What am I struggling for? To wake up the next day and it still be the same crap no matter what I try to do to change it? No matter how many emails or calls I make to resolve things? Not just with WAW but trying to get the surgery and everything else.

All my life I've tried to see the silver lining. No more. For what? It's a freaking joke. My M and life wasn't the best but I had faith that was until my world fell out from under me again. So why should I believe now? For what? So it can happen again? What's the point of even trying or living or fighting?

Everytime I get my hopes up thinking i've finally gotten a break with ANYTHING GOING ON WITH ME it ends up being smoke and mirrors or some total bullshyt