Thank you everyone for your support. It means so much.
Pam, I suspect you are right, H is hurting and confused. He said to me today as he dropped the kids off, don't think I'm enjoying this. Well, I guess to be honest, I know he isn't completely, but he is the one who chose this, some days I feel sorry for him and others I think he just needs to live with the consequences of his actions.
Totite, thanks for the post. I like the progress you have seen. I do need to see this time as an opportuninty for me, to expand on what I can and want to do and come up with tons of projects to do with that nervous energy.
Alaskangal--I like that statement, attrack him back, don't promote the M. I think that goes along with what you said, Cupcake, become who he fell in love with. That wasn't someone who always brought up the past and listed reasons why we should be together. He should be with me because I'm worth it, not because I have a good argument for the cause.
Mockers, I sure don't see where I'm strong. I feel like a train wreck! It is hard to see H is fearful, I see him more as a wimp who is unwilling to face reality and truths, but perhaps that is because of fear.
DB, we could give a sermon on perserverance. They don't get teh selfishness of their statements, do they?
Mal, Opt, Dotto, thanks for the support and I'm thinking of making the drive for the B-town get together. Be something different and would surprise my H.
What a weekend. H came over for the kids on Saturday, told me about his conversation with his parents--they weren't suprised, saw it coming, and for some reason this made me very upset. His parents are very old fashioned and quiet, she would always call when H was out of town, yet she didn't even call to check how I was doing after H walked out on his family. For some reason that hurt a lot. H said, I didn't even have to tell you about the conversation. So after they left I called my mom and in a moment of weakness, said she could come up.
I had my party on Saturday with 6 girlfriends. Two chocolate martinis put me under the table, but they all think I have bent over backwards this past year, and the two who didn't knowed were shocked, always thought our M was rock solid.
M arrived yesterday, after telling me she would just do what she could to support me, I have had to defend my actions to her. I made her read the two sections in DR about friends/family reactions and MLC. She was nice to H when he dropped off the kids.
I am having such a problem with my feelings towards my ILs. These are people who do the right things, but I have never felt truly welcome to the family. My FIL never talks, but MIL always has the little aside to say, comments on how I clean, dress the kids, why we don't visit enough, etc. etc. They always went over H's head, but I heard them. Also it was always the standing joke that they didn't like me, the other DIL was the preferred one. So all this is coming back full force and I'm furious. I said something to H about the conversation, but he defended them, adn stupid me should have realized that, I attack, he defends. But, why is it bothering me so much? After 17 years of striving for thier approval, never really getting it, why is their turning thier back on me hurting so much? All the times I heard, we are here if you need us, it times like this, apparently this was just an empty promise.
