Sounds fine to me if he wants to say "If you want to stay married, then......". That sounds OK to me at the proper timing. Not sure Mrs OIN is far enough over OM to be giving an ultimatum right now.
Challenging his wife now while the affair is falling apart and her work is a bees nest of gossip is not likely a good strategy...
If the affair isn't a fun place to go, and work isn't a fun place to be anymore...
Make the HOME FUN in my opinion..
The routes that looked more attractive to her are closing... I think that's the time when you take a warmer approach...
Glim you hit it on the nose, timing is important right now...
Until the withdrawal follows through fully OIN your wife is going to be difficult... its a LOT easier to use proper DBusting techniques when there's no third party attacking your marriage.
I never resorted to name calling or attacking my wife's value while she was cheating.
I never complimented her etiher. I attacked the behaviour of lying and cheating ONLY.
And if I had told my wife "you're no prize" when she was cheating on me she would feel miserable right now and my work would be a LOT HARDER...
It's bad enough repairing a marriage OIN when YOUR wounds need healed, why do damage to her that you have to repair later?
Because i never attacked my wife when she was cheating, my work NOW is a LOT EASIER than it could have been. I just see attacking her as being no prize an injury OIN that you will have to spend months repairing later on down the line.
Ya telling her she's "no prize" may wake her up, but I honestly doubt it... And I don't think its worth the risk of the damage that might be done.
She's just going to tell her father, and he's going to press her in earnest to leave... OIN you've been spending months showing her the better you... why ruin that NOW by resorting to attacking her?
I think he can do it in a respectful manner. What should OIN's father expect when his daughter delivered death blows to OIN? I don't expect many to agree here, but some people will understand what I'm saying.
If my daughter was having a problem marriage and I saw my son in law out socializing with other women I would come by her home MYSELF and PICK HER UP and take her home.
DLS you honeslty think her FATHER is going to take HIS side here? Do you honeslty think HE sees ANYTHING short of angelic potential from his daugther?
He doens't... He's not objective at all if you bothered reading OIN's thread. Her father is a meddlesome ignoramus.
And I am sure her father has no idea about the "death blows" that she's throwing about... You think OIN's wife is telling him how horrible she's been?
Think again... she's painting OIN into a monster like most waywards do... And I bet a LOT of that was to pave the gravel for OM to walk in...
Women in particular seem to want to run SMEAR CAMPAIGNS against their spouse before they run off with another man.
Her father DLS is NOT objective here... You are advocating adding FUEL to a house that's already on fire.
And how on earth does one socialize with women "in a respectable manner" while their wife is at home miserable and planning to leave?
I don't think there's anything "respectable" about that.
Again if my daughter was married, at home, miserable, and wanted to leave and I saw my son in law out socializing with other women I would NOT find that "respectable" at all.
When your spouse is sad and wants to leave bar-hopping isn't where you belong... It's at home with your spouse so they can SEE you GIVE a DAMN
I don't believe there is a problem in socializing with the opposite sex. Many people feel this way, but on a DB forum may not voice it.
I don't think that she gets to treat him like she is, and sometimes even if you are the father or mother you should take side of the one who is in the right. What lesson are you teaching your child if you allow them to do wrong by someone and there is no cost to them. Support them if they fall, but they should be doing right by the one they wronged.
I stand on the technicality that if the wife is OIN's sole source of female attention that she will drive down his attractiveness due to their interaction. I know its "bad" advice.
Its one of those things about knowing how things work.
If the family is saying she did right and supporting her here with a lot of love and motivation in the direction she's moving, he's already toast.
OIN, just consider what I'm saying if you get close to being "used up", it really works and you don't have to cheat on anyone.
Also these really bad waywards, if the "see you give a damn" it makes them more resentful. I know you know what I'm saying here. They are being real bad, and saying in their evil mind "oh, and your soo good, huh?".
I can have a interaction with the opposite sex by shaking hands and communicating to some ladies in a church environment.
From Phil McGraw's website :
When your life or relationship becomes rocky and affects your sexual relationship, that is the time you should turn toward your partner, not away from him/her because of your sexual needs.
Wasn't it you Lotus who said "you can catch more flies with honey?" I am seeing a much different approach from you now for some reason...
I could easily say the same thing about you, Allen. What is it about this one sitch that has you giving the wayward spouse such a PASS??? I'm perplexed.
