I see different kinds of advice on this board, and I want to express my absolute opinion on it.
I am fine with the whole GAL thing. Where I am NOT fine with it is when we give spouses who are trying to DB "permission" to go hang out with members of the opposite sex while at the same time trying to save their marriage. This is a divorce busting message board, not a divorce causing message board. And truthfully, it's CONFLICTING advice to the person who is trying to save their marriage.
OIN needs to put his focus on his W. Period.
In this case, if OIN is not careful, he will involve a FOURTH party. There is already is/was a third party involved.
OIN's life is complicated and stressful enough as it is.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Why focus on her when she has been kicking dirt up in his face. If she is his only source of female attention, she is basically inserting into him negative attention for his positive interactions. What happens if she is the only one communicating with him, is his image is being distorted. He will not be as attractive to her or anyone else if thats the only place where he gets it from. Thats what some of us where saying, sometimes to get results you have to do some bad things. All of you are giving "good" advice, but in some situations it can't work. I have a feeling I know where OIN's wife is mentally, and I understand the interaction the two of them are doing right now. Basically, today he is the one who is "paying" and he is "paying" her for being cheated on. She is not "paying" anything in their interactions. And he's training her its OK. How long does it take to build a new habit? 3 weeks or so of consistent behaviors. Its been approximately 6 weeks of busted affair and she's been kicking dirt in his face the entire time, as well as giving him very little positive attention if anything at all. I felt that she could come back if she felt OIN had "value". We all know he does have "value", but she doesn't see it that way. Perhaps if others in the world supported that OIN has "value" the wife may see it differently.
After working this all out in my mind, I think he stops "paying" her as much. He should "pay" her very little, due to the fact she cheated on him. Plus on the "payment" was the entire habit thing I mentioned.
Think about the "payment" thing in that OIN, is catering to her needs, providing highly focused attention and concentration on making sure he is doing and saying right, while she is able to have bad behaviors around him and pay him very little attention and care.
He's in a pretty bad spot, but sadly better than mine.
