I know. I remember you saying that the first time I suggested it. But, you'd make a point in trying to get her out. As it has been said, you need to show her you are not just going to lay back as if to say "It's okay, honey, go on and have an A and I will be here if you ever decide to be a wife again".
You've always pointed out that she would get mad. So what? Let her get mad.....in fact, if she's going to get mad....give her something to get mad about. I've read where she got plenty mad at you for doing nothing.....so make it worth something.
I also remember another time you thinking that she would discourage OM to back off. Don't you see the games they play with you? Don't you see how this is going around and around? I thought there at one time you might actually carry though with what Allen was coaching, but then you have second thoughts and back down. You convince yourself that OM will stop calling W, or that maybe she'll back away.....and then everything is repeated again.
I don't know how much longer this merry-go-round will continue before she either loses any hopes at ever respecting you again, or you lose any hope of loving her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Do you see how YOU are creating the drama that is feeding this Affair?
You are destroying yourself! You must stop this.
You are not facing your fear. What are you afraid of? So what if she leaves. You have already lost her. Could your life get any worse? Will you be ok, emotionally? financially? Will you be alone forever? WHat are you really afraid of? Face it and realize anything is better than your current sitch. Then I think you will be able to act and save your marriage.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
When you STARTED to play HARD BALL with your wife... That's when OM and your wife's affair got stirred up...
In my opinion the more pressure you put on your wife right now to do both of these :
a. Explore repairing a damaged marriage b. Separate from her family to pursue life independently
The more she starts to WAKE UP
You said the SEP ORDER was THICK yes?
Ken, if its something you have to work a lot on for weeks and weeks?
Start filling the sucker out...
a. Put it on your desk b. Leave it in the open c. Put articles around it about how to repair a marriage - especially about ENDING AFFAIRS as being the FIRST STEP - Peny Tupy's article about the tree is a good one there...
You start to work on that... its going to piss her off and stress her out...
She will see a clock is ticking... You fill that sucker out.
a. Don't cook her meals b. Don't do her laundry c. Don't do anything for her
Keep the pressure on her... You CAN get her OUT of your HOME if you wanted to... We gave you tons of examples of how to make life there not worth it...
My favourite is to invite others to your home that she won't like.. It will mirror what SHE'S doing.
Start looking for someone to handle child care... put articles about for "How to evaluate day care services" etc
Your wife needs to see you are preparing to oust her.
She doesn't want to leave the security of your home... So you will yes have to drive her away... But it CAN be done.
I think stirring the pot over the affair will take a lot of the excitement out of it, it seems to have done that earlier.
I just think you need to put a time clock on this sucker Ken so your wife takes you seriously...
Do NOT NEGOTIATE DEALS with her.. It just makes you look weak
If she wants to save the marriage contact is OVER.. no six months and then she can call him again or any of that crap.
She has to agree to end contact and put 100% into repairing the marriage.. PERIOD...
Thanks Allen. That's just what I needed. I am plan to do just as you suggested there. I have to be careful how I do it though, because the last time I left two articles on my desk, she said I was trying to manipulate her.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
the last time I left two articles on my desk, she said I was trying to manipulate her.
Well, then, how about the bathroom? the floor next to your bed? where do you read?? And so what if she SAYS you are trying to manipulate her....IGNORE WHAT SHE SAYS right now.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
The fact is Ken your wife is manipulating you too... people who are emotionally attached to one another CAN manipulate one another.. That's why all this crap is so painful.
If my next door neighbour decided to go lie and have sex with someone I couldn't care less...
Your wife is manipulating things too.. So don't take that to heart.. It's just more crap.
But, you want to make the layout at your desk not look so OBVIOUS...
Another Tip Ken... start making phone calls while she's in earshot...
a. Talk about day care, asking around how much people pay for day care and if they are happy with the service b. Ask about house cleaning services, etc
This is going to add more stress again to your wife.
That's good.
She's going to attack you about it later, trust me.
Your response?
WIFE : You are manipulating me making those calls YOU : I am not manipulating YOU... I am being responsible and caring for my kids... You should try it some time
or...
WIFE : You are manipulating me making those calls YOU : And you think you chasing another man isn't manipulative to a household at all? As long as you are cheating on THIS HOME I think I am free to do whatever I want. And what I want to do is care for my family. Now leave me alone to work please.
