Lea, don't give this OW power to push your buttons! If she knows she is upsetting you, then she will make your life h*ll. I don't think you should mention it to your H b/c he'll say something to her and then she'll know she had victory in doing what she intended. Besides, according to your description of WAH, you would be wasting your breath.
Completely ignore her messages. Most of all, don't even read them b/c it will keep you imprisoned to it. Fist thing you know, you'll be like watching a trainwreck and can't look away. Delete it without reading. Be good to yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
