I know I don't belong in piecing anymore, I guess the move here was premature, but at that point I though we were on the right track. I'm not sure where to go, but for the moment I can't bring myself to leave this forum.
Background:
H 38, Me 37, boys 4 & 6, Married 1988
Fall 02, H travelled tons, I thought he should be home/with boys more--nagged/cold shoulder/angry with him--all backfired, 11/02, tells me he wants D. He gets phone calls on his cell that he suddenly must take outside. Snoop only once, woman's name he works with. He found out I snooped--ugly scene
11/02 Join this BB as JackieH, but change name as too obvious in case he snoops
Winter---see MC, she's not great, but gets us through worst part. I DB butt off. H tells me that I was so miserable last fall that drove him away, likes my disposition better now.
Spring--I get my first ILY. Still very infrequent. He rates our M as a 6 out of 10.
Summer--He plans mystery family vacation to CA, great time, the two of us go to Europe together, wonderful.
Mid-August--H talks about cruise for our 15th anniversary, has been a bad year. Book tickets to Orlando for family vacation. He turns 38. Becomes miserable. Tells me it isn't going to work, he doesn't love me, good times aren't enough, doesn't feel like shouting from roof top that he loves me, feels empty inside. His life is half over and he doesn't want to spend the second half wasting it away with me. Mystery phone calls begin again.
9/5 -- moves to a hotel for 10 days. Decide not to tell parents anything.
9/18 -- home, but apartment hunting. Finds apartment, should be ready mid-October. Has not put money down yet, as far as I know.
10/8 -- He backs out of Disney vacation that we planned in August--he had told me then that we deserve to go have fun as we have had a rough year. I take kids alone.
10/15 15 year anniversary
11/3 Tell kids Dad will be moving into own townhome. They are excited at the prospect of hanging out with Dad without me around.
11/5 He moves into his new home.
11/7 He comes over while I'm gone and clears out his entire side of the closet and all the dresser drawers. I get home from taking the kids up to State College and it was like a huge slap in the face with reality. Going up to Penn State was very hard, we were both in college when we met and I would go up there on weekends to visit him. So many memories came flooding back. So much of the anticipation I used to have driving up that road. Where is it? Why did he throw it away?
He told me as he left he knew I'd always be here for him. I wanted to shout at the arrogance of that statement. He thinks I will always be here?
I wanted to wait to start a thread until I had some goals to report, need new ones and they need to be centered around me, this seems to be a new phase/journey in my life and I need to take advantage of it, but I found I missed the support even for a day or two. Though I spend the evenings in bed crying, my goal is to at least be productive during the day.
