Had a busy day at work today. As usual humbling experience watch families go through the hell of their child being seriously ill or injured. One poor Dad watched the car behind him carrying his own parents and his eldest daughter hit by another with a closing speed of 140mph + in his rear view mirror. Stuff like that is hard to contemplate. Fortunately we didn't let the grim reaper win today either.
Feeling kind of jaded with it all. A few people at work who haven't been around in a while came and asked about my wife. Had to tell them what happened all over again. I still sometimes have to pinch myself to believe this has all happened. Just like I'm in some surreal dream and I'll be going back home in a few days. They were full of the usual, "but you two were so close, so together, you always were every time we saw you." "I used to think we were close and together too", is my usual reply.
But at least STBX left me alone lately. And a couple of colleagues were offering to shove bowling balls where the sun doesn't shine in the OW on my behalf as I'm missing that work outing to be in Scotland.
It was great to have dinner with the mutual friend last night, she was on good form. I hadn't heard from her in a couple of weeks, but she always makes a point of saying what a pleasure it's been and what good company I am. She has a lot to answer for - she was probably the main reason I didn't actually slice my brachial arteries open in a fit of sorrow in the beginning! Turns out local indian takeaway is fantastic.
So bedtime in a minute, so I can go back for another hard day's graft tomorrow. Good job I actually love my work! I hope I don't lose that when I have to work with the OW on a more regular basis come August.
Alt is facebook JacT. Not sure how else to hook up without pasting my personal details all over a bulletin board that any tom, dick or harry could look at. Actually, I think all the true dicks in the world probably wouldn't come here as they're busy cheating on their spouses, but maybe the toms and harry's would!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Class Lees..love it.I have tried to track my H down on FB and found a Gary Taggart listed as female..coincidence? My youngest D sent an invitation to be a friend but no reply.I can bet you this is his little secret that OW doesnt know about! I am on FB havent developed it but I am there.Try and if it doesnt work I will post my email address so you can send details.I have two anyway a business and personal one.It would be good to meet. I am still meeting people too saying the same things.Its good to have someone who gets you through.My sis said that it was her first R after her split that finally got her over her M.I cant even imagine being with someone else.Been with H all my life. I think as long as they know the position you should go for it girl! I am in a dont think I will ever get over it space today.Sun is shining and we would normally be away or having some family time in the garden.Like you I think ow has got what she wants and H and a father for her kids whilst we sit here and wonder what went wrong. Take care..will check PM on here too.((HUGS))
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
JacT, not sure which of many you are on FB. Check out the divorce busting page, I'm the only one on there with Lees at the start of my name!
I've had a pretty crap day at work. Feeling rather down, and that the world is just too damn unfair. One of my colleagues told me she ran into the two of them together in town and wanted to throw things at them on my behalf, which made me both happy and sad! Happy that someone else feels as strongly as I do about infidelity, but sad that they're obviously still happy whilst I have to force myself and expend all my energy just to appear so. Another one spent 10 minutes telling me it was sad that we no longer speak to each other and expensive to deal only via lawyers. I agreed it was sad, but as we have no need to communicate about anything with no kids and no shared property, it was just easier this way. Besides after what she's said and done, I don't think there's any going back anymore. He's been living apart from his wife for 9 months and is still hopeful they'll get back together, mind you they were together for over a decade and have kids. And I don't think there were any affairs involved. He was shocked when I said that the W and OW don't think they've done anything wrong at least.
One of my other colleagues asked if she'd gone mad. They all knew us as a couple and had been out with us on many an occasion. I said, in terms of clinically insane, no. In terms of tempted by an evil manipulative cow into an addictive affair, yes.
Re: someone else, I'm sure I could be enticed by the right woman. Just haven't met anyone that meets my standards yet. I also don't want to hurt anyone because I'm an emotional mess.
We can maybe meet somewhere in the middle? I've got a variety of mates coming to stay with me that week, but would love to escape for an afternoon. I used to do the commute to work at GRI so know the route to Glasgow well!
From what you've said JacT your hubby isn't living a life which is all rosy. He doesn't sound happy at all. I'm sure we'll get through this. Over it, I don't know. Depends on your definition. I think we'll learn to live with it.
I think I just need to be on my own to think for a while about everything. I need to learn to deal with the rage, the hurt and the betrayal. I need to learn to forget about it and get on with my life unencumbered.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Lees tried on divorce busting page and no joy so have set up brionyscooby@aol.com to get your first set of details and then I will delete this once we have exchanged info. Gla would be good.Is there anywhere in the city you know well? Train might be better and then you do not need to worry about parking..will leave it up to you. You will hurt for some time yet and should work at a pace that works for you.You have a lot of good friends around you and I think as long as you make your position clear then you should date and try and have some fun.I know its hard. My H sister and I had a chat on FB tonight and she said he must be in a very dark place.Thats what I tell myself but as a neighbour reminded me yesterday..they have to say they are happy cos they know they are fools to have compromised their life and partners..something we hear alot of..you will start to get days where you think of her less maybe only a half hour o start with but its a start.Speak soon((hugs))
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Sun is shining and I have tons of work to do to prepare for teaching on course tomorrow. Washing out on line (lovely fresh summer smelling washing can't be beaten!), music playing. Life feels almost good. I'm getting there. She's still playing on my mind but I try not to let her, all the emotions regarding her are negative, mainly disgust. I still want her to feel pain rather than be walking around with a smile on her face after what she's done to me.
An old friend has interestingly taken a new tack though. We have been mainly internet buddies for probably about a decade. I always had a bit of a thing for her, and have kind of sensed that she always did for me too, but it was always wrong place wrong time with one of us being in a relationship or on the other side of the world. We've been doing a lot of laughing together lately. I wonder if it will go anywhere. I know she has decent morals, she's also been through this too with her last ex cheating on her, although they did repair the relationship for a few years. She's supported me through the last few months. Last night just seemed to cross a line somehow. She was flinging compliments left right and centre, and saying things like "you're the only person I've met in a long time who shares the same values." As opposed to all the previous dates I've been on, I'm actually attracted to her physically as well as knowing she ticks the intellectual boxes. Hmmm. Might have to get a beer soon as she has suggested - not easy as we currently live 4hr drive apart.
I wonder if I'm ready for this yet.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Just be careful. Rebound would be easy at this point.....and maybe it's a bit of sticking two fingers up at your W.
Drove past Nottingham yesterday and was thinking of you Would be nice to get together sometime if you felt like it.
In the alt world I am named after an angel, (but with an le after it ie. I am the feminine version......and I am always right but like to have a 'W' at the beginning.
lees be careful that this dating thing isn't a tit for tat reaction to what your W has done. I know it must feel nice to think maybe she would be shocked by you dating.....or it might even bring her back....but where would you be then? In my mind you either 'stand' or you don't.
Just look after yourself and your mental well being - which it sounds like you are doing.
Not looking forward to the weather breaking tonight.....I have got used to this sun and heat!!!!!!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Had a look on the DB group members and couldn't find you. Got your first name, but the other part is too cryptic - are we talking retail references here? I'm the only one in that group with a name that starts with Lees.
Thanks for looking out for me, and worrying about me!
I do still want to stick 2 fingers up at the WAW, absolutely. Surely she deserves some pain for the damage she caused. At one point I was so low I even wrote a suicide note saying I was relieved that the OW would be taking care of her in my absence. But not by dating. I doubt she even knows, let alone cares. I honestly think if she did somehow find out it wouldn't cause her pain or contemplation. She'd just be off the hook for making my life miserable and happy that I'd moved on and she could lose some guilt. It would prove her right in her mind that she should never have married me as we were obviously so totally incompatible, and not the "soulmate" she is for the OW. And so be it.
We have no contact, my dating activities are shared only with friends who have no connection to her, even tenuous ones. I think the only way she would ever find out would be to accidentally bump into me, but as I can't imagine her going to any of the places I like to go to with her new lifestyle. I've no intention of spending any time in the places she frequents these days, besides, I wouldn't get in to them as I don't own any clothes worth more than my car.
I'm not standing anymore. For a while I've been standing for my own promises, my own vows, not for her. Because I stood up in front of my friends and family as well as hers, and said I would be there for her always. I just can't do it anymore. I won't waste my life on a waster. She invalidated it by not keeping hers, and is now telling everyone it was such a mistake in the first place I wonder if we ever really got married at all. I believe it's a ceremony that requires two people to be speaking words they really mean, and she is adamant that this was not what she was doing at our wedding.
I've come to realise and believe that our marriage was a mistake. I didn't know it at the time. I wish I had. I meant my vows and truly thought I was marrying the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. But she wasn't. So really it was just another relationship, lasted 3 yrs, and now it's over. Unfortunately we made the error of investing a lot of time and money in a big weekend in Scotland, lots of expensive trimmings, and a honeymoon. But none of that makes it anymore than just another relationship in her eyes. Whatever I think about it is irrelevant if I'm thinking it without her.
I don't think a)she will ever want to come back, or b) that we would be able to heal the damage since caused.
I'm not scared of being single. I've had healthy gaps between all my relationships. I prefer to be in a couple, but I've never been one for rebounds or lowering my standards just in the pursuit of it. I know I have to be careful here. Ode is an old friend. I wouldn't want to hurt either of us. The mantra is "slow and cautious."
I am looking forwards to the weather breaking - the teaching rooms for the APLS are always too hot, so cloud cover or at least a drop in temperature will be welcome! Long day to be trapped in that greenhouse - from 8am till 7pm on the first day.
We should definitely meet up for a good old chinwag. Perhaps if FB is too tricky I'm sure JacT wouldn't mind you joining in on that email address she posted above.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Well, you are definitely on the up and down--here's to you staying more on the up!
It is a wild and rocky journey. I, too, have friends who saved me from cutting open whatever artery would do the trick. As I say to them now: "I'm still not sure I appreciate it! but thank you, anyhow."
I am so impressed with you being an ER doc. I do volunteer EMS in my little town,and it is very satisfying as well as very scary.
Your strength in being able to bear with OW in the hospital is amazing. Keep it up.
And keep up the contacts with new possible girlfriends. Just let yourself enjoy having laughter, some tingles, some thoughts of joy and fun. More will come with time.
Keep up the good work. I didn't get a story about a man in a kilt, though--even though men are not your cuppa--what about many of the rest of us??!
