She pushed me into a position that the best choice was to move out. I seem to remember I was really not happy about that.
did you ever get angry at any point? or lose it on her? i haven't. i learned early on when they are in a fog like that, they don't hear you. so i stopped trying the beat the dead horse.
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Of course. Everything was my fault. That is how it works.
when they come to their senses, what is it like at that point?
how do they get over some of the things they were 100% convinced was irreparable?
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"why did you stay and fight?"
Cause it was the right thing to do.. and I love her.
when you detached, didn't you feel conflicted? you love her yet you must pull away.
he's got all the space in the world now. he has his mom and dad checking up on him every day to ensure we don't reconcile. reminding him that he's doing the right thing.
i can't compete with that. i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle. i love him. and i know fighting for it is the right thing to do. it feels like i'm fighting stage 4 cancer. the cancer has spread everywhere throughout.
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Well.. she does love me for who I am. Even then when she was wanting to get out.
ok. this is the difference. my h doesn't love me and wants out. he no longer does and seems to be trying to show me that he wants all of his love back by taking back everything he's given me.
that's why i waffle. i am trying to make someone love me who says they no longer love me.
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I am pretty easy going.. which gets interrupted as "not caring". She wanted me to be more vocal.. and lead more. I don't know that I changed in the normal sense of the word. Who I am.. how I think.. that all still functions the same. I changed the things that rubbed her the wrong way. It was not my intention for what I was doing to hurt her.. but it came across that way to her.
i'm easy going as well. which is why i was surprised to hear some of the comments from him. gold digging? since when? i never asked for anything. i wouldn't let them do watch the football game? i don't control the remote. it's never in my hand. and i didn't give that "i don't want you to watch football" look. i don't have one. in fact, i like football! i won't let him spend money? we have separate bank accounts, credit cards. i don't keep tabs on what he buys. he's dragging me through his life? what life? he doesn't have a life. i have a life!
he wanted more sex. can't do that now. i can't show him that i'm all for it.
he thinks i'm mean to his mother. well, ok .. but she's a bitch and if i set boundaries, then i'm being mean and unfair.
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Is it the act.. or is it the thought that if you knew.. it would make this easier? Be careful with this. Sometimes we do things that make us hurt more.
i think it's a bit of both. the act is just revolting. he was always the guy who respected his own body. he thinks it's gross to be putting his manhood in a yoohoo that has seen a lot of other menhood. and then there are the diseases etc. i never doubted him. why do i doubt him now? because he could be doing it to hurt me. everything he's done has been to hurt me. so what would the ultimate hurt be? infidelity. that's why i think about it. everyone has been saying that he'll do everything to hurt me. this would just be one more thing.
i'm doing better. but it was best for me to be away.
