Good for you meditating! I've tried so many times... not good at it at all... they say it gets better with practice... so I'll have to try again and again!
You are totally living iin the secret!!! Imagining your H coming back... YES, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY ENTITLES TO HAVE HOPE!
What would this world be without hope... a bunch of miserable people with nothing to look forward to. We need to start thinking like children... no worries, smile, look for ways to play and have fun... no worry about yesterday or tomorrow... and expect HAPPY days!
Please read the secret!!! P.S. if you think there is something wrong with you for having hope... then am offically insane! I went to retrouvaille.com and had papers sent with weekend dates in my city. I wanted to know more about it... and I , like you mention above, am scared as to how do I get past the hurt, how do I trust, what if I cant forgive... and their site and the R threads on here helped me to better understand my sitch.
Start looking forward and start understanding the process of forgiving and letting go of the hurt... its good for you so that you can heal... and also prepares you for step on if you and H reconcile.
Just trying to stay positive...
you are so strong and always give such excellent advice and are a great mom and are even kind with sharing your S with your H.
Good for you newmama. I think you are totally on the right track with making yourself "expensive". Definitely think that people put more value on that which is less available and withdrawing and playing "hard to get" is the right 180 for you now. Keep it up!
I continue to be impressed with your hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. I can't seem to pull off the hoping for the best part any more
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
CW, at first it seems so unrealistic, the book that is... the you realize you have nothing to lose and it is proven. Up until the craziness in my sitch, I lived according to the secret without knowing i did. It does make you feel that you are in control of your life, and lifts your spirits...
look at their site if you're not ready to buy th ebook. The book is inespensive (i think) and is a quick read...
I have to look up the book you mentioned above... just the title makes me think it is a must read...
Wow, how nice to return to such positive posts from my DB friends!
I went to my best friend's place last night, went to Happy Hour where we ordered a bunch of appetizers and a couple of beers but I was able to pay for it with a $50 gift card WH got me a couple years ago! HAHA!
Then we went back to her place, swapped ghost stories (her H was watching Ghost Hunters- one of my favs) and then started watching "Into the Wild" with Emile Hirsch playing Chris McCandless...a young college grad who hitchiked his way to Alaska to live off the wild and died there. It was such a good movie- so compelling- it was the 2nd time I had seen it and I just couldn't tear my eyes away! We were initially going to watch half and then finish the rest in the a.m. but none of us wanted to stop watching so we stayed up til 1:30- and the kids woke up at 7 a.m.!
Well this a.m. we ended up getting our nails done (pedicure for me) and I barely arrived back in time to beat WH and S! WH was dropping S off. Oh and tomorrow is WH's b-day so I picked up a Happy B-Day Dad card (it was kind of lame) and threw in a snack bag of cheese Combos. I debated on whether to acknowledge his b-day, but he acknowledged mine (from S).
So when I gave it to WH he softened and was grateful: "THANK YOU but you didn't have to!" and Ididn't say "you're welcome" or respond at all...I hope I was able to keep my detached 180 side but also show I had manners if you know what I mean.
WH went to the bathroom then hung out while I played with S (only for 5 minutes but it felt forever). He was reporting lots of little details about S (I didn't ask anything other than when did he take his a.m. nap). Finally he is about to leave and just says "See you guys tomorrow- oh I mean Monday." I made some comment about the schedule being normal this week. Then he still takes forever to say goodbye and S starts crawling over to him, all excited. Finally I say "it's getting sad- you better go!" (meaning S wanted to stay with WH longer and he is dragging it out) and I closed the door behind him!
WN- I remember hearing that the dopamine wears off around 15 months...so I would think maybe you are right about the OWs in our sitches starting to sense it and getting all dramatic!
BD-I followed the suggestion of meditating first thing when I wake up and then right before I go to bed. You are right about practice- there are sometimes when I can't "quiet" my brain but I would say 75% time I can focus, hone in on picturing WH coming to talk to me and starting the R talk. What is funny is that it feels kind of like I am dreaming it, and kind of like I am watching it...it is a similar sensation as to when I used to play the piano and my fingers played the music while my mind was somewhere else! Or when painting with acrylics! Anyway I usually say a prayer right before, too. Geesh- am doing whatever I can I guess.
CW-I have heard of Steve Harvey's book- but I bet it says "leave the jerk!" when it comes to cheating! or does it? Have you read it?
FM-Did something happen that made you think the best isn't possible? I will read your thread next. It's just that when I think "yeah right- how would WH be able to face this mistakes he has made and decide to go back and suddenly desire me again?"
I get inspired by the success stories on here, my SIL and her H, my therapist telling me about his clients who never end up divorcing or those that remarried.
Plus, we aren't finished with the divorce process. Heck he hasn't even filed the first papers! Has your H?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
NM...no, Steve Harvey is the one that cheated on his wife!!! She eventually took him back! He doesn't paint a very nice picture of OW and what he says about women is close to the Men Who Love Bitches book!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
WOW CW- thank you for that! Now I will definitely want to look it up! Yes, the Meno Who Love Bitches....I have the ebook and read it...I think I am acting like a B for real now! I hope...
BD- I have to read The Secret! You are right! Guess I get to go shopping on Amazon...or maybe just flip through it at the bookstore?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Forgot this in the movie- it relates to BD's comment:
Quote:
Start looking forward and start understanding the process of forgiving and letting go of the hurt... its good for you so that you can heal... and also prepares you for step on if you and H reconcile.
In the movie, Hal Halbrook plays a man who lost his wife and son in a drunk driving accident. He tells Chris that "forgiveness is love... when you forgive, you feel God's light shining down on you. You feel love." WHOA. DEEP. and I think true.
I think I will be able to forgive WH eventually if we D. It's just that I will be able to forgive him a lot sooner if we R! lol! Same goes for OW.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
