Puppy, my wife is displaying just about all these symptoms right now. She has been sick and somewhat moody the last few days. My daughter was sick and I believe that is where she got it from and she started taking birth control the last few days so her hormones are jacked up. She's taking the birth control so she won't have the time of the month right when we're in Jamaica.
For me, it's difficult to take a stand because I'm signing my own death warrant. I will get the short end of the stick in a divorce. I will only see my kids every other weekend and I'll be paying like $1200+ per month.
She does have a prepaid phone, which I know the password to check online because of the keylogger and that is how I know she used it last on 5/6...unless she got another one.
I don't know, my wife seemed very sincere when she told me she wanted to work on us last Thursday. I know she is a rollercoaster right now, but she is trying. It could all be a lie and I'll have to face the music at that time and tell her she needs to pack up, get a job and move out and we're headed for divorce. Then I'll have to sell the house, pay through the nose in child support and lose my kids basically. These last few months feels like they have taken years off my life, but I am desperate to keep my family together.
Dan
M 34 W 31 S 8 D 3 W affair 3 seperate times with same ex since Feb 2010 I said I wanted divorced April 2012
Dan, those Indiana legal guidelines are just that -- guidelines. They can still be fought (altho it can get expensive). Individuals can work out whatever they like, but if they don't agree, they fall back on the guidelines.
She's taking the birth control so she won't have the time of the month right when we're in Jamaica.
Sorry for being so suspicious, but this may be her way of laying the foundation. I was going to suggest in the last post that she'd have a little visit from mother nature on the trip. I hope I am as wrong as sin, but just be prepared in case she says the pills messed her timing up.
I suppose I doubt her being so "sincere", too. Unless the OM did something to really tick her off to the point of wanting to dump him.....my thinking is she'd go back into the MR kicking & screaming all the way (in her attitude). Maybe I'm wrong and maybe there are some exceptions.
Last edited by sandi2; 05/12/1011:46 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sorry for the long time between posts. Things have been going well between my wife and I. Very little if any texting between OM and her. Our 4th anniversary was a few days ago, we had a nice dinner, had a few drinks, went and saw a movie, just a nice time. I had her wedding ring cleaned for her and gave it back to her on our anniversary and she has been wearing it, so that is good. She came and kissed me today on her own without me pursuing her, so that seems to be a step in the right direction. We still have our plans to go to Jamaica in 10 days, so everything seems to be on track, at least I feel better about how things are and I can start getting back to acting normal again instead of that paranoid freak I had become. I don't think I'm being duped by her, I believe she really wants to work on our relationship and little by little things seem to be going back to normal. =)
Dan
M 34 W 31 S 8 D 3 W affair 3 seperate times with same ex since Feb 2010 I said I wanted divorced April 2012
Hello long lost friends, well I'm back after two years. Let me give a quick summary since I've first posted on here. Feb '10 I found out my wife had contacted her ex on Facebook and had a full blown emotional affair with him, maybe more. It went on and off again for a few months, then it stopped for a while about May time frame. I was going to counseling, trying not to lose my job and basically reading Michelle's book and doing whatever possible to save my marriage. We went back to Jamaica where we got married to try and rekindle our marriage. Seemed great at the time, good recovery for a few months...then she contacted him again Oct/Nov '10 and the EA was back on again.
EA #2 went on for about a month, same old stuff, she didn't love me, wasn't in love with me etc...I basically told her I wasn't ready to go through all that stresss again and told her I wanted the kids half. This somewhat woke her up I guess and she went to the Dr and they diagnosed her with depression. She started taking Celexa and she was a different person. Our marriage perked right up, she seemed happy again and completely at ease with us. She was still sleeping on the couch going on 2 1/2 + years at this time Jan 2011, but our marriage seemed to be getting back on track. I changed jobs in May 2011 so we could live closer to her family in Indianapolis and it was a good step up in my career. For the most part, our marriage seemed pretty good I thought throughout 2011. My wife decided to change drugs bc she said the Celexa wasn't helping her anymore. One Friday in end of March 2012, my wife was really short with me on the phone, called me a liar about some rediculous conversation when I wasn't lying and took the kids without tell me when or where she was going like she used to years ago. It seemed eerily familar about the way she used to act. I got suspicious because of the way she acted so I checked to phone records while she was gone for the weekend. There was that damn number again, her ex she swore she would never contact again. After about 1-1/2 years of silence between the two, she kept her word to not contact him and our marriage seemed better, although not perfect it was improving.
I seen the texts and a conversation between them on Facebook and it was about them sneaking around so I couldn't catch them. I immediately told her I was done with everything because I told myself I will not go through that pain and heartache again. The first time around I basically lost my job, was in the hospital for abnormally high blood pressure for a guy my age and was just at the end of the road. This time around, I'm less affected emotionally, almost feel dead inside about it all. I told her she is no longer my wife and she is dead to me. We have had some pretty severe fights about the whole thing and she's trying as hard as she can to apologize about everything that happened. She said it was a mistake, but my question to her is what if I had not caught her, would she have taken it further into a full blown EA/PA again? My question to her is why is she only willing to work on our marriage so much now after the threat of divorce? She has not slept in our bed for almost 4 years now, just like her parents did. I'm not ok with it, I'm not ok with her picking and choosing when she wants to be married to me. I don't want to go through life not knowing if she is going to start having an affair on me again.
I have not filed for divorce yet, but we just sold our house because the whole plan was to move closer to her family, buy a nice new house for the family, but those plans are all completely wrecked now. I told her I'm not buying a house with her and I just don't know how I could ever ever trust her again and how she could even prove to me she's being completely honest. How would I ever for sure know? We have two wonderful kids and I love them to death, but this isn't a marriage. I haven't been to a lawyer, but I would really like to go through mediation instead. I don't want to get totally taken advantage of in child support because I make all the money, she hasn't had to work ever and now that I'm done with the cheating, I don't think it's right if I get the shaft.
I really love my kids and hate that this is going on. My wife says she doesn't know how to be a wife because of the way her parents were, but she says she will try as hard as possible and do whatever it takes to keep the family together. She wanted to go to couples counseling but I feel it will just be a finger pointing session about all the things I do wrong in her eyes. I have totally shot down all her attempts because of how much I can't handle the cheating.
I'm just really struggling with the fact that I won't get to have my kids as much, half at best if I'm lucky. That bothers me so bad, and in their eyes I'm leaving them. They won't understand and they are the reason I've stuck with my so called wife all these years. Now I've basically got a month to get out of my house, and don't have a place to live. My wife found an apartment she plans to move into at the end of the month. Does anyone know if I can buy a house while still married and she not get half of the house once divorce is final? Can some kind of written agreement be made, because I really don't want to have to move myself and kids into an apartment.
I wish my story had a happy ending, but I don't see how I can go through life with all this cheating. My wife swears up and down she's not cheating and this guy means nothing to her, but even if it's just an EA, she's going outside the marriage with someone she obviously has an attachment to or she wouldn't risk everything. She has basically conceded since I'm not trying to work on us this time and has accepted that it's over. She agreed to mediation and said she has an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow and claims she doesn't want either of us to get taken advantage of. The lawyer will ask her how much 401k money I have, pension, salary etc and she could really take me to the cleaners if she wanted. That just doesn't seem right or fair. I've pursued a rewarding career, been fairly successful and tried to be the best husband and father I know how. She on the other hand stayed home for 8 years, and after me trying to support her numerous career paths, hasn't done anything of any significance other than lie, sneak around and cheat on me, not sleep in our bed for 4 years etc... That is why I want to pursue mediation, I won't screw her over and offered to pay all her debt off so she can basically start fresh.
This all has been very depressing and unless by some miracle something happens to turn this ship around, my marriage is done.
M 34 W 31 S 8 D 3 W affair 3 seperate times with same ex since Feb 2010 I said I wanted divorced April 2012
