lol thanks for your replies they mean the world to me, we are having a heatwave here in the uk, bbq times and laying around in the sun, we dont get much weather like this, but its also times like this that I miss the old ex, have to get my own gas bottle for the bbq and havent a darned clue where from, also he used to do the cooking on the bbq, deary me will have to sweat and do it myself, I suppose when I look back he did have some uses lol xxx
Perhaps your son can do the bbq'ing? He is the 'man of the house' now, 'eh! We've been having a lot of rain, but the sun has finally emerged yesterday and I hope today.
Enjoy the weather, Mandy!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Forward, yes I am very comfortable at this point, in fact something snapped inside me a few weeks ago and I decided that life is in fact too short to be wasting any more time on the ifs and whys and what might be's. my life is for living and living I will do. maybe it is this approach and attitude that has scared ex off again, maybe he realises he didnt destroy me and quite possibly he cannot understand how happy and calm I am right now after all he put us through, but hey thats his problem not mine, today folks another bbq with son and his mate, oh i love all this lovely weather and chilling out, the housework and garden etc can wait, lol have fun peeps xxx
Mandy, Your last posting says it all for the mlcer, i.e., they don't understand how we can go on and live our lives after all they have done. It's very confusing to them and there's one more thing they cannot understand and that is how we can remain friendly to them after all they have done. It's a concept that they cannot figure out.
Enjoy the beautiful weather that you are having and the bbq's sound wonderful. Enjoy each and every day you spend w/your son.
As for his father, continue doing what you are doing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks ML. I hope he does reach out to me and I will be there for him but I doubt it now. Over the weekend I found out I've been right for the past 18 months. There is no OW but his parents are the ones that are pushing him to get a D.
He is so messed up, getting into trouble at work, drinking, and very depressed. He was always afraid of them, he use to tell me it was respect and I would tell him respect is one thing but to be afraid it totally different.
Anyway, with them really pushing him now to D me I'm scared out of my mind. I was told he is so vulnerable right now, and with them constantly telling him to do it, he just might because he doesn't want them upset with him.
I just never ever heard of a person being afraid at our ages of our parents. Even on this board I don't recall anyone worrying what the parents would think.
Now he is the one that is ill, and left us but I'm the bad guy. Go figure. Oh, I also found out that they are making stories up about me so that he will do it sooner.
I have been so depressed, I don't even have a life. Work 2 jobs etc. How could I be doing anything wrong? I'm standing for my M. Don't get me wrong, I'm starting to feel better but for a while there I was really a mess. Couldn't even function. And I'm the one they are blaming. I know that our S's do blame us for their depression etc. but WTH already with the IL's? They don't even call the kids or anything.
Goodfight I hear everything you are saying my friend, it is a terrible situation to be in, I have to say I did feel the same as you at some point and to be quite honest that feeling lasting a loooong time, im talking years, I have been at this five years now it is only at this point that I think I have really and truly turned a corner and let ex go for good. there is no hope in my sitch now been far too long to expect any u turn out of ex. yes his parents are pushing your h to divorce you, and I would expect the worse because I am convinced that these mlcers dont know and dont care how much they hurt their wife/partner, it is as if you never existed, well with me it was, my ex walked out married the nearest oar is still with her, turned son and I out on the streets, yes he actually made us homeless, also ex didnt speak to his only child for over two years. it is all a boat load of crap that we dont deserve, is there any chance you could get something off your doctor to help you through this terrible time, i am only suggesting that because i had help from the doctor and it does ease some of the pain. remember you cannot and will not be able to sway your h's decision let him go and let him be, whats in the future is in the future, what will happen happens for a reason, take care now x
Mandy, Yes, I'm the one on AD's now. The whole kicker of this is that he was the one on them and stopped taking them and flipped one day and left. I cannot even imagine what you have gone through. I can't believe he made you homeless, but you are right. They don't care who they hurt. Mine gave up his rights to our D13, well he had his step-mother go into the hearing or she told him she would go in and he lost his rights because of not seeing her on the days he should, drinking and driving with her in the car etc.
D13's IC had to send a report to the courts and all of this was in there, if you could have seen the evil look I got from his step-mother. And I didn't do a darn thing. He fell into contempt for not going to D13's counseling. He didn't fight for her or anything. He didn't see her for over 3 months, until she wrote to him and asked if he was ever going to want to see her or talk to her again.
I personally think the step-mother controlled this sitch out also with D13. H wasn't in the hearing so I'm sure that she told H that he couldn't contact D13 well she was 12 at the time. I know this woman and she can be so mean and evil. I've seen it before, with other people and then she did it to me.
So now, if I say she can't see H she can't (but I don't), I let her decide. His step-mother I think was so mad because she thought she was being a smart a$$ when she got him the best lawyer and took me for visitation rights when I never told him he couldn't see her to begin with, well she found out the hard way. She should have never gone through the court system when you know someone like H is a depressed person. Oh, that's right she said it was our M that caused his depression, hmmmmm D13 said he still is sad a lot, and cries sometimes and still isn't the daddy she knows and we have been separated for 18 months.
What I don't understand is we can't sway our H's decisions but someone else can....how does that work?
