OIN, I and a few others here have been where you are.
In some cases when affairs end, they end ugly like this... The OP says or does something very destructive on the way out, betrays the WS in some way... It's common because of the nature of infidelity... Since you've been following their involvement a while now you may notice its quite "high-schoolish" in nature.. This is how affairs are structured.
Affairs aren't built on dating, meeting parents, making long term commitments... They are more like high school relationships... Sneaking around AVOIDING parents, lying, etc... Its a VERY jeuivenile relationship compared to the kind that leads into marriage.
AT THIS POINT, if OM has really left her feeling bruised, damaged, and betrayed... I think YOUR best shot is to NOT SAY ANYTHING about it and to just offer a more viable alternative implicitly.
If she IS removing OM from her system now... THIS is where good memories of you can finally start filling in that void.
This VOID is how infidelity often starts...
Marriages run into a problematic period The couple grows distant A VOID is created in the wayward spouse An interloper meets up with the wayward and offers to fill the void Infidelity grows over the following months
YOU can't make headway with her while OM is in her head... there is NO VOID there... ONCE the VOID is there, you can actually start to offer something inviting to her that she now has SPACE for...
This is why I reccomend attacking an affair head on... using Bo-peep methods during an affair have a serious problem because there's no NEED for a third party... the VOID is filled with the other person.
If OM IS going out of her system finally, YOU may now have a chance to fill that again, IF YOU OFFER SOMETHING INVITING
Once OM left from my situation my wife was a LOT more inviting to a kind gesture and such.. which she got more accustomed to over time... She much like your wife was angry and miserable all the time and wouldn't let me in... That changed once she fully accepted that OM was OUT of the picture.
I think your wife has been daydreaming about this guy still since he never really FIRMLY ENDED the AFFAIR.. he was leading your wife ON by continuing talking with her... so she never really ended the affair in her head...
