I just can't take it anymore

[james217]

i think i'm manic depressive. I think I just hide it very well. All the signs are there. When I look at WAW and myself it's like looking at a female version of me. I have too many highs and lows. I have attempted suicide 3 different times in my life and have been in 2 or 3 mental facilities because of it. Not long visits but still. I think I've been in denial about this for a long long time. I think some of my uncles have this.

I used to be on celexa and trazadone. I stopped going to counseling and therapy years ago though.

This is not good. No wonder whenever me and waw have so many highs and lows.

Hi James,

Just read this. I would not jump to conclussions on your own diagnosis. I know when I was in your sitch (OK, not exacxtly your sitch); my emotions were all over the place. In fact, I would say that you are NOT normal if you don't go through a plethora of emotions during this time.

Yes, it sounds like your W may be BP. And it may be due to the drugs. I am positive the ADs my W took changed her. Has your W seen a psychiatrist after starting her medications? There are mood stabilizers that can help with the mania. Of course, I am sure you probably know that already.

Now back to be married to someone with BP tendencies. It can make you feel BP as well. It is easy for me to get swept up in my W's impulsive and wild ideas; in fact some of those memories are the best I have being with her. And I am often very sad when she falls in to her depressive states. This does not make me BP; just empathetic. Anyway, see a professional and find out what he/she thinks. And get treatment if your are; it will help.

Take care of yourself,
-T

The thing is I feel like a total tool because all the signs were there. I thought if she switched her meds then she wouldn't act bipolar.

It still could be but it seems as though she's hypomanic because of what meds she was given while she was in the mental facility.

So the thing is even if she's on the antidepressants it still won't keep her balanced because she needs another med to keep her from going into a total state of euphoria over promiscuity and other stuff that she was not doing.

The thing is she's not speaking to me at all. So there's nothing I can do to encourage her to go see a psychiatrist.

I often wonder about myself though. It would explain alot of things about me. My behavior has been very very erratic for awhile myself.

I'm going ot have to get all of this stuff checked out

thank you for your reply tristan. it really gives me some insight and clarity as well

[james217]

I don't mean to be a dick, cause I love ya, but you GOTTA try as hard as you can, and I mean REALLY, REALLY REALLY not worry about your wife right now.

For right now, you just have to let go.

For a month.

Give it that.

For one freakin' month, just worry about yourself.

A month isnt even that long of a time, you know?

One month of just you, just james. We'll even name it.

Jamestober.

The next 30 days is Jamestober.

ill try man. like i said i don't think she's ever gonna talk to me again anywaz.

i'd at least like to know if she's going to pay her half of the phone bill.

[konfuseeed]

I highly doubt you will never talk to her again.

But, that doesn't matter during Jamestober.

After Jamestober is over, we'll talk about that again.


Btw... Jamestober 25th is Jamesmas.

[james217]

I highly doubt you will never talk to her again.

But, that doesn't matter during Jamestober.

After Jamestober is over, we'll talk about that again.


Btw... Jamestober 25th is Jamesmas.

I just talked to mutual friend. She stated that WAW is mad at me and had animosity towards me for what occured with SD8.

SD8 acted out sexually on the other two children and was supposed to be observed for 72 hours.

WAW signed the rights away man. How am I to be faulted for that? She said she coudln't wake up and look at me because it reminded me of her being taken to cps.

I did what was asked of me. Then she signs away the rights again? But this is my fault?

Man whatever. *sighs*

[james217]

All because we took her to childrens hospital to be evaluated? smh I cannot believe this. This justifies her signing away SD8 turning her back on the kids. Infecting me with an std. Lying cheating and everything else? Wooooooooooooooooooow

[CityGirl]

James, you certainly have realized by now that ALL WAS will blame, blame and blame some more. Not to mention your WAS is a special breed as she has some very serious problems. I don't think she is bipolar at all (and my sister is bipolar, very well managed for the past decade so I do have lots of experience with bipolar individuals).

Until you really stop obsessing over your W and what she did in the past and what she blames you for your life will never change.

Your W has cheated multiple times, has proven her parenting skills are not what they should be, is immature, has chosen not to address her emotional problems in the proper way and clearly has no ability to take accountability for her bad choices. NC will not change any of that about her.

If you don't start rebuilding your life (and yes, it is hard and yes, even harder when you have medical issues which I am also familiar with) you will be stuck at your parents house forever.

[james217]

James, you certainly have realized by now that ALL WAS will blame, blame and blame some more. Not to mention your WAS is a special breed as she has some very serious problems. I don't think she is bipolar at all (and my sister is bipolar, very well managed for the past decade so I do have lots of experience with bipolar individuals).

Until you really stop obsessing over your W and what she did in the past and what she blames you for your life will never change.

Your W has cheated multiple times, has proven her parenting skills are not what they should be, is immature, has chosen not to address her emotional problems in the proper way and clearly has no ability to take accountability for her bad choices. NC will not change any of that about her.

If you don't start rebuilding your life (and yes, it is hard and yes, even harder when you have medical issues which I am also familiar with) you will be stuck at your parents house forever.

she's the one N.C. I'm worried and concerned. People are asking me if I've heard from her. I have no clue.

I don't know C.G. The meds she was on while in the mental facility point to hypomanic depression. She was supposed to go to outpatient and be on 3 types of pills.

Depakote (epileptic)
Celexa (depression pill for low moods)
Klonopin (pill for high moods)

so she has no balance. I'm also angry with the mutual friend. She knew that WAW was thinking about leaving. Did NOT say a word. She told me this last night and is all sorry now that she sees what is going on with WAW. WEll sorry aint gonna fix it.

WAW was NOT doing this type of crap. I'm telling you I talked to our cps I.C. yesterday and it totally shocked her to know WAW signed away SD8 because there was no need for us going to parenting classes or cps counseling.

She stated all WAW wanted was to get SD8 back.

Even mutual friend states she has been weird and has NOT heard from her in over a week (which isn't normal either)

Uggh I'm in a bad mood today. The mutual friend should have told the freaking MEDICAL POWER OF ATTORNEY what the heck was going on so I could have prevented it. I"m so fuccing upset right now.

I'm falling apart C.G. without my family I'm just sitting here trying to hold it together.

[CityGirl]

While Depakote is a medication often prescribed for seizures it is also a med prescribed for bipolar disorder. I know that because my sister was on that med for years for the treatment of her bipolar disorder.

When I was diagnosed with my panic disorder I was prescribed Klonopin which was prescribed for me to take in the midst of an anxiety/panic attack.

Nothing you can do if she is not taking her meds. I guess I am wondering what you are doing to hold it all together? Aside from your medical posts everything is about your W. What are you doing to rebuild your life?

[james217]

While Depakote is a medication often prescribed for seizures it is also a med prescribed for bipolar disorder. I know that because my sister was on that med for years for the treatment of her bipolar disorder.

When I was diagnosed with my panic disorder I was prescribed Klonopin which was prescribed for me to take in the midst of an anxiety/panic attack.

Nothing you can do if she is not taking her meds. I guess I am wondering what you are doing to hold it all together? Aside from your medical posts everything is about your W. What are you doing to rebuild your life?

just take it easy. Exercise. Sort through documents. Not eat so much junk. My blood sugar has been pretty good lately.

pretty much taking it easy. Trying to talk to people ot get this surgery and all these other appointments taken care of.

And mainly thinking and praying. Just doing different things. Trying to make my life better. As you can see I don't post near as much.

and yep I know. But if I had known earlier I could have done something. I thought she was being over medicated because I had asked the doctor what it was for.

Yea I know depakote is used for that too. That's why I didn't think anything of it. I know she was "better" on valproic acid. But I didn't see the warning signs or truly understand the klonopin and the celexa..

Now I do. It was to keep her evened out. The thing is she thinks she's "fine." Mutual friend and I and family don't think so. She can hide it from her family though although I suspect they know something but just don't do anything about it.

All signs point to her being epileptic and hypomanic. I asked. I feel like I failed. I should have done more to help her when I had the chance.

I may have lost her forever. I don't think it's any coming back because she's in worst shape than she was last year even with the job.

I think I've been doing pretty good. I'm not a basket case. I'm not crying alot anymore. I'm still depressed and experiencing highs and lows. And I want to get these operations and procedures over with.

I'm going to look for another disability lawyer as well. just thinks i'm doing to keep myself busy

[james217]

welp i guess she hates me and will never ever ever talk to me again.

I wish I was stronger. I'm a freaking loser who can't toughen up and detach. It hurts worse now than when she first left.

I really don't like being here.