One question: how do you know this child persona is 7 years old?
In part, it is because I am a mother, and recognize behaviors in children...the attitude problems, constant tattling, told me in part with what age child I was dealing.
This one, however, I DIDN'T see until I was ready to see it, and that was 9 months ago, now; he'd been around for a long time....as I was going through The Change, I was in NO shape to "see" anything...to busy struggling through, and it took ALL the energy I had to come through.
The other was the fact that he was 7 years old when his parents divorced, and there were leftover feelings within him for a deeper connection that never was with "mom"; apparently the bout with OW didn't help at all to settle this aspect of his desire to connect....though OW back in 2001 was an attempt to replay the connection with "mom" and breaking that connection in the "growing back up" process....settling some things but NOT others.
In 2002, he had "blocked" the 7 year old child of those issues upon exiting the tunnel then..it is very possible that was the child I was dealing with in the depth of his crisis, but I'm honestly not certain about that.
It seemed to be hid from me at that time, and I didn't see children very clearly until he arrived in Acceptance...then there were only TWO..a 4 year old and a 15 year old...behavioral aspects were observed, and my son saw them before I did.
As I dealt with my husband in later years, him being a 7 year old, I found he was very jealous of our son, and tattled on him every chance he got in an effort to get him in dutch, so my husband would get all the attention; it never worked...I seemed to always know what he was up to.
It was funny when he broke his ankle, his attitude was poor, son was taking care of him full-time for awhile, doing all he could do, and husband was STILL tattling on him..when I threatened to get us all together in a family conference, he backed off, not wanting me to talk to or confront son.
He KNEW he was WRONG and just running his mouth to see what "Mom" would do...as much as I tried to break him of seeing me that way...I wasn't able to.
The one thing I was certain of, in this extended period of crisis; was that I didn't have to worry about him leaving or threatening to leave...that major decision had already been made, and the only way he would have left was if I'd thrown him out...that was the only option for him; he will NEVER leave on his own....and I was/am as certain of that, as I am of myself..
I KNOW him well now, KNEW him then...have been with him so many years..that certainty is NOT arrogance..it DOES come from knowing your partner better than you think you do.
Our son had a sense of humor about it all, laughing about his dad tattling on him, but in a serious moment, he told me he was doing all he could do...I knew that.
The point is, if you pay attention to the behavioral aspects, you can pretty well tell what age they are acting out...certain behaviors show up at certain ages, and their past history, if you know it, will tell the tale of what happened to them.
There were times I felt pity for him, at other times, I wanted to wring his neck....and I'd have given anything NOT to have had to watch him go through this extended period, but again, everything happens for a reason.
Lord knows I'm not perfect, but I'm still here and that has to count for something..either that or I'm a glutton for punishment.
Hope that answered your question.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
