I am reeling after seeing H tonight. I would be grateful for some insight and advice to help me get through this.
H came tonight after 10 days of no communication. He is fitting the visits to his children around OW whilst continuing to lie where he is to OW as he always comes in his work clothes even though he is here all day.
H cut the grass in the garden and helped wash up.
He is lying to his children which is particularly hard on S13 who is firmly on H rolercoaster as he throws him around.
Tonight he has admitted about going on holiday to a place we had many years of fun. He has lied about everything to do with the holiday but at least he told me. He is buying her new leather motorbike gear to go on this holiday even though his bike is in the garage and he says he won't need it as he can't get it there. If he is buying leathers he has bought a new bike!H did acknowledge that I wanted to revisit the holiday destination as it was something we planned to do as the children grew up. I pointed out that as it was exam season someone had to stay at home and parent them and would need to for a few more years.
Today when he came I had completeley detached and was friendly. H noticed a difference and was very hurt and thoughtful when here. No smiling or jokes. He continues to throw money at the children even though he can't afford it to allay his guilt for letting them down as a father.
I busied myself around the house and garden and he followed me. He bought eveeryone a takeaway meal. I went out this evening. Told no one my destination got all dressed up and left. H said 'have a safe journey whereever you are going' I thanked him and left. He watched me go from the window.
He spent some of his time talking about his business and getting my opinion and then letting me read CV 's as he has advertised 2 jobs. H wanted to know what my opinion of the applicants was and we discussed interviewing them. H has admitted that he never discusses the business with OW and she doesn't know the financial trouble he is in.
I am so sick of the lies and watch him destroy our children for a happiness he can't find.
Tonight I am so sad and don't know how to handle all this c*** anymore!
