Racheal..yeah, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof with an Uzi and having a crying jag! Yuck.
Those gut wrenching memories are going to be there no matter what. I'm one of those people that has to process things, so I guess looking at how much better things are now is preferred to getting sucked down into memories and flashbacks of how I felt at the time. I think that if I do the before/after technique, it will be my way of trying to write over those horrible memories with positive ones, it will give me a sense of success and take the power away from that dark and awful time.
I DO understand what you mean with you talk about the similarity with experiencing a death. I actually remember telling some people at the time that it was WORSE than if my H had died. The boys and I would still have been devistated, but wouldn't have had to deal with the betrayal as well.
I DO remember walking around in a state of psychic shock. When I looked in the mirror, I saw the haunted look of horror you see in people who are survivors of a natural disaster or airplane crash or something like that.
I try to remember that I am still in the process of healing from one of the most difficult and painful things I have ever experienced (and I have by no means had an easy life!)
I hope to hear from some of the people who have been at this a lot longer than I have, that eventually I won't have flashes of reminders everyday. I hope to know that eventually, there won't be an ache in my heart and a catch in my breath whenever those thoughts come.
