Question

[awest1217]

Well I finished my letter/e-mail, and i have to say it sounds really good. I don't say that I am going to just wait for him, but I don't say I want a D either. I say I don't want to do, but I am going to live my life until he chooses to come back. I put it this way. We have been going in circles for a year and every so often we come to a crossroads. We can take the road less traveled (reconciling). It will be hard and potentially dangerous. We may lose our way because the path is not marked, but the end will be wonderful. Or we can take the path well worn to D. Seems an easy path, but leads to more hurt and devastation. Or we can keep going in circles living our own separate lives. I at least feel I told him about some of the things I have been complaining about for a while on here, his coworkers saying he is an awesome teacher, while he does nothing with his S. Him wanting to live anywhere but here even if that means being miserable. How I don't know what "i love you" means to him. Everything I could think of.

I don't expect to hear anything from him. Actually he has once again put me on the no contact list because I haven't heard from him in two days. I also messed up the day because of Memorial day changing each year and H actually moved out his stuff to move into the house one year ago this Sunday.

I am going to reread the e-mail again (I wrote most of it last week and have been tweaking it all week) then probably send it tonight. I doubt anything will come of it. If anything, I just hope he reads it and talks about it with his support group. Maybe he then can have help with what I am saying and get some perspective? Who knows? I am figuring he won't talk to me for a while anyway...since I haven't heard anything for two days so ce la vie.

I got S the paint for his room today, bought a hedge trimmer because I have tons of bushes and it is hard to do it by hand and not as pretty, got some hanging baskets for the front porch, flowers for the back hanging baskets, and a piece of wood to hang my swing. I am so hoping it will be nice tomorrow because I am looking forward to landscaping the yard how I want it so that it can be beautiful.