What does this mean?- the WH's regrets?

[Piano]

okay, still got a huge smile on my face, but now down to other business...

the foot : gotta love it when you can discern a body part!

baby buiness and WH: what do you wanna discuss with him?

the kids and the car: is WH still in therapy? ( I think i asked before but kenne remember the answer, sorry). Does the word "baby" make him scared? I don't mean to be mean, but I am worried obviously about the amount of work he needs to do to get his head out of the sand! He is about to become a father and can't ask you about your pregnancy? Sorry G, it's not like I didn't know all this, but I am newly shocked and can now see why you keep saying my WH is a little futher along cos at least he can say "baby" and even wants to meet her.

How are you doing? I hope in spite of the corker comment, his email didn't effect you too much...

I am interested to know what other SIL will have to tell you.

You are lucky to have nice SIL's.

[newmama]

Phew. Sort of hard working getting someone to approach you about something.

But if all else fails, I'll bring it up.

Heck yeah it is hard! Could you please remind me why you want him to bring it up instead of you? And I get the feeling he is purposely avoiding talking to you about the pregnancy and birth...like does he think he is not supposed to talk about it? Or is he being stubborn and playing a game? I don't get it!

Just remember Dr. Phil- "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"

I'm 37 weeks! Delivery can happen healthfully after this day at any time! She keeps sticking her foot out on the right side of my stomach, so cute

WOW I can't believe how close in age you and Piano's baby girls will be! And Babydoll's boy isn't too far behind you 2! When is the school year done for you? I worked until 38 weeks-the last day of school! S was born a week late.

Anyway are you getting really sore? How about swollen ankles and feet? Do you have your hospital bag packed and do you have the car seat installed?

[gatsby11]

Baby stuff first! (screw work!)

Not sore, not swollen, no packed bag and no installed car seat! Hee hee. I have the car seat in the car in the box, but I'm waiting 'till someone can help me put it in. Hopefully this weekend. Hospital bag is also planned for this weekend. Although I imagine I could pack it in early delivery between contractions. Right? (I hope!)

School is done June 4th. I will be coming in to meetings until delivery day. I love work, so it's no problem at all. I prefer it to sitting at home!

Ha, Piano, I'm glad it made you laugh. It made me chuckle too.

I just want to discuss:
- her name
- when he will see her after the birth
- seems to me there's one other thing i had in that email draft on page 23 of my thread. . . can't remember

But the name is the one that is the most important to me before birth.

So yeah, it is pretty huge that he is avoiding it so much, right guys? My WH is WAY different from all of yours now because he's still trying to live like he's not having a baby! Yes, he is still in therapy. So I know that the therapist has GOT to be pushing him on it. I mean, IC diagnosed him with adjustment disorder for it, so it can't be ignored in their sessions!

Does he think he's not supposed to be talking about it? Well, he doesn't have that excuse anymore because this past week I mentioned reading Goodnight Moon to her, and that didn't prompt anything. Is he being stubborn/playing a game? I don't think so. I think that it is just SO hard for him to come to grips about this fatherhood thing. I think he's also very ashamed. What shames him he avoids.

I want him to bring it up because it is such a psychological issue for him. I fear pushing him away just with baby talk. I'd like for him to approach me on his own, and then I'd gladly talk about the baby! At this point, I still don't know what to expect from him except the worst. Because he is still escaping so much. I don't actually think reality will hit him until he sees her. That's why it's so important to me that he does see her asap.

So, my steps were 1) Send a friendly email, 2) Reply more friendly a couple more times, 3) Mention the baby, 4) Talk to his sister, 5) Wait, and then 6) Bring it up myself.

I'm right around step 4 now, come on, WH!

[gatsby11]

Okay, I'm quick on the draft. Just got an urgency to send it at the beginning of next week.

It's pretty different from the first draft I had. I kept one of NM's revisions, but mostly I recreated the whole thing from scratch. Here it is:

Hi WH,

Our baby is going to arrive anytime in the next few weeks. I didn’t think I would be, but I actually am very excited for her to be out and about! I know that she’s going to be a happy, playful baby.

I wanted to talk with you directly about things and not go through your family anymore. Messages sometimes get distorted; nobody’s fault, just the nature of talking through people. What’s your opinion on talking to each other directly about the baby?

Assuming that’s okay with you, I’m going to ask more questions. Did you want me to call you when I’m in labor? Or call you after the baby’s born? When would you like to see her after the birth? If you’d like to come to the hospital or my apartment to see her, that’s fine. The baby needs to be with me every two hours, but I will probably leave the apartment when/if you come over because your family will be here. You can contact me by phone to set up a time because I probably won’t have much email access for the first week or so.

The last thing I wanted to talk about was her name. I know we had discussed X back in January, and I do really like that name. But I just don’t know how appropriate it is anymore. Instead, I decided to combine the “X” sound with my grandma's name to create Girl. (Gurl? Gerl?) (And I figured I could tell my mom that the “rl” part comes from her name, ha ha, even though I just thought of that today.) Her full name would be Girl X Maidenname. I’m not 100% sure on the name, but I am practicing calling her by her nickname- Gur.

I am not sure about how I want to spell the name. I just want the spelling to help people pronounce it right, since they’ll no doubt butcher her last name. If you have any thoughts about it, I’d appreciate your input.

Hope all is well.

Gatsby

---------------------
Now some explanation-- we both have traditionally been wary of babies and we both were nervous about becoming parents. I decided to include that in the first par (especially about how I am now excited) to help him.

My concern in the 3rd paragraph is that I'm being too accommodating. I could say "Is it all right if I call you after the baby is born?" And just let him tell me if he wants to know during labor.

Ha ha, I'll probably call her Girl here because I don't like D. (Too similar to divorce for my comfort!) But believe me, Girl is NOT the real name.

All right, let me know what you think.

Thanks!

[Babydoll]

Hi Gatsby... wow! 37 weeks!!! love when you can see the foot! I seems to get the butt sticking out most of the time... isnt it just great! always managed to put a smile on my face.

Did you want to talk to H in person or over the phone or do you prefer email?

think the email covers a lot of basis w/o putting too much pressure on him, instead its welcoming and your H maybe surprised to see that you are non-threatening and welcoming with it. I like it!

One change... in the beginning you say I didnt think I would be excited... i would omit that... just say that you are sooo excited! He will feed off of your energies!!! and that would be a great start to the email.

[Babydoll]

Piano, did I read that your H has underlying MS? Wow! if so, that could seriously change everything... just saying... could be an extreme case of MLC.

have to go back and reread!

[gatsby11]

I know, BD, I had the butt for a long time, and I still do, but now I have a distinct foot. And it's more attention grabbing than the other. I bet yours will start poking out soon!

We are easing back into contact. We both prefer email because I think phone and in person is a little much for both of us. And especially with a topic as delicate as this, I wanted to approach him with our tried and true method. I did suggest phone calls in the email, though, because it's much more practical for baby logistics.

Ha ha, the last part of your message is so cute. WH and I have both been so ummmm anti-baby for most of our relationship. We joked at the beginning of the pregnancy that we wouldn't get the baby a crib; we'd just throw a blanket on the floor and line it with WH's clean clothes that he never put away. Ha ha, it makes me laugh now! For some reason we both just liked being shocking about baby stuff. (We also joked that we'd name him-- we thought was a boy-- Jacket. I really played that one a lot. And that he'd have one toy. And that he'd have 10 outfits. I could go on and on!) I just thought that we both would transition through this undesirable baby stuff together. But that's not how it worked out. I obviously didn't take his feelings very seriously and ran with it in a humorous way. And now I've really become quite maternal feeling. So. . . yeah. Better explanation about my first line for ya.

Thanks for your input!

[Babydoll]

Makes sense then.... if anything it will help him see that you two once were anti-baby and may follow your lead with coming around the idea of being a parent!

i understand the email thing too... used to find that H and I would text 100 times a day, i always said it was communicating in his comfort zone. Not until recently that he calls... it needs to start somewhere... glad he is reaching out to you!

[gatsby11]

So Melissa Etheridge is a WAW.

http://hollywoodfarmgirl.blogspot.com/2010/05/no-more-censorship-for-me.html

That's the LBS's poem. Kinda rocks!

[newmama]

Hi Gatsby! Wow, this version of the email is so much lighter and softer! I see what you mean about the 3rd paragraph- in addition to sounding too accommodating, it also seems like the three questions could be consolidated into one. Maybe a question kind of like "Do you want me to call you when I start labor or wait until after she is born?"