Hugs and thanks to both of you for sticking with this & each making great points.
To email or not to email. To email long (I love your edit NM) or short (like Greek, but would need a tweak)?
I think the Q here is, what are my goals?
My goals are to live by my values How can I or WH respect me if I don't live by those values and draw boundaries. I would like to save my M (and "save" from H from his poor decisions) but it is hubris to think I can fix someone esle..and I guess I don't need two children right now. My other goal is to not ruin his first contact with his child by continuing to war with him. (my hunch - he would let it go. He doesn't/sin't ready to engage on/discuss any of this with me today.has made it very clear) This last goal may be in conflict with the others.
But as NM says, they are just 'truth darts'.
In which case, I could err on side of caution and not send. And say these things later, as you borht suggest.. was thinking that also.
(and yep G I have said all these things I think in one form or another, but never so consisely and definitively as I have been afraid up until now putting it back at him and being the one to walk away.. I am ready to walk away now).
