Quote: Mistrust has to be the worst thing-it destroys everything. The only thing worse is if he actually is decieving me once again. Rachael
I can think of something worse: Nothing is going on, I have a chance at having a really good marraige, and I destroy that by driving my H away with irrational paranoia and constant suspicion!
Second worse case: he is still deceiving me. I know that would come to light on it's own without me having to search. If that happens, then I will consider him pitiful and undeserving of me after all that we have been through. I will go on knowing that I did the best I could.
It is normal to have some mistrust, BUT: 1. It is MY job to decide if there is a REALISTIC basis to my fears. 2. If there IS NOT a REALISTIC basis, it is MY job to force myself to stop obsessing. 3. If there IS a REALISTIC basis, it is MY job to bring my fears to my H and ask for help to deal with my mistrust. 4. If he can--he can, if he can't--he can't, but at least I have come to him. In the end, it is MY job to deal with it.
Most of all, I know that even if he WERE to betray me again--it would hurt but it wouldn't destroy me. I have to be brave enough to work hard at allowing myself to be vulnerable again. Basically, it comes to this: do I want to be a chick$hit or do I want my H and my R?
