2 weeks left to DB

[newmama]

H.
I am afraid you forfeited many of your rights when you decided to have an extramarital affair when I was 8 weeks pregnant and walked out on our marriage and family when I was 3 months pregnant.

It's taken me a long time to realise that your return to this country has not been to deal with our issues nor end our marriage in a safe or respectful way, nor support me through my pregnancy. From where I am sitting, it seems to have been mainly self-serving... You want your child to carry your name and you want to meet her after the birth and you are here to make it happen. I was expecting you to maybe want more (like to try to reconcile, or to want to help me out a bit more during the pregnancy, or want to help coparent), but I have not been listening to you what you have been telling me...

You have told me we are over. Ok, got that. You have told me you will not be parenting this child. I get that now too. You have told me you are going to leave and live overseas. Ok, got it. I also now get, 5 long months later, that there was never to be any discussion or negotiation about the above. It is unilateral. It is not what I want but I can't stop you. And I don't wish to tell you what to do. I even want you to be to be happy, despite it all, because I love you ...and if leaving us to live 17,000kms away with someone else is what you want, then I won't stand in your way.

I think it can actually work out for me because I really don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me or respect me or want to be with us. And I can't be 'friends' either after this...I dont think you know what you are asking when you tell me you want to be friends. Maybe in seveal years it will be possible...I dont know.

H, trust that I will never stand in the way of your relationship with our child. But as for the birth, if you are not there as my husband or friend to assist in the important and precious work of labor, you'll just have to wait in the hospital lobby until we are ready to see you. Maybe it will help if I explain a bit more about the birthing process itself so you understand why entering the birthing room 'straight away' is probably not possible?

Straight after the baby is born (and this is if the birth is straightfoward and there are no complications), a placenta needs to be birthed and this can take time. The baby will need to latch on to my breast and hopefully establish her first feeding, and bonding time with me. Depending how hard the work has been, we also may need rest time...


We can only make the best decision at the time and I think you need to trust me on this to to the right thing by everyone. Thankyou again for respecting my decision to invite you to meet our daughter when she and I are ready.
Wife.

Wow Piano...I really really like your email! I bolded the statements that totally ROCK! You know, the part about what HE WANTS and how he is self serving is completely dead on and he needs to read it! In fact, after reading about how he doesn't want any part to do with any parenting- why the hell should she have his name??? But I get that there are probably good reasons for this and respect your decision of course!!

Hmm. Now that I have read your email, maybe you should send it! What is the worst that he can do? Do you have any ideas?