Oh, dear, lees, you are in SUCH a hard place right now.
Coping with the OW at work every day is a horrible horrible mental and emotional strain.
We have all been where you are. "They won. I lost. They are going to be happy forever, and I will be miserable. I was so naive."
These are horrible terrible feelings. And you won't believe me--but they are feelings, not facts.
We DON'T know what will happen; how they will be; how we will feel.
Two suggestions:
Look up "The Work" by Bryron Katie. VERY powerful. I worked through "OW took my entire life." "I need X to forgive me." "I have nothing and they have everything." "all my friends are tired of supporting me." I worked through these painful thoughts, and am about 85% done with them--I don't believe them anymore. (much or all the time, at any rate)
Look up: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. I found the first chapter "shattering" really helpful as it truly described the feelings/body reactions we are going through.
You CAN cope. Even if you cope ONE second at a time, you ARE coping. And you will keep coping. Why? Why, if for no other reason than to not give them the satisfaction of seeing you fall apart!
If a burning desire to live out a "f-u, too" is what you need right now to keep going, then use it. We will be here to remind you when it is time to let go of the anger, so you don't truly become all twisted and angry and bitter.
Because the best lees is a DOCTOR. Which means she cares about people. Which means she can't and won't become all angry and twisted and bitter. She will keep her heart and mind open to heal others and herself. The care which you give your patients--the love and desire to comfort--give to yourself, too.
And who doesn't want their daughter to marry a doctor??!!
Keep venting it out here, lees, and keep it together at the workplace.
