Thank you for that wake up call. You are right - just like the first book says, don't do the same thing that is not working for you. I guess the reason would be I am afraid If I give him a untimatum, he will leave. I have been a stay at home mom for 13 years, and am just getting back to working part time, can't support myself and my kids. And a million other reasons.
But, the biggest one is I do love him and don't want to lose him. Forget about the fact he insists they are only "friends" And,I keep hopoing he will "snap out of it" and realize what he is doing. If he can't admit it to me, maybe he hasn't fully admitted it to himself. I am sure he has some kind of justification in his own mind.
I have to stop being a doormat. I sent him and email, telling him I wanted it all stopped with her - and I didn't get an answer. Then, I IM'd him and he said he would re read it and answer - that didn't happen, either. he makes a point of never being home, so it's hard to talk to him. Never mind we have two kids that would like to see him. I have talked about this with him - over and over, but he keeps denying it, so that is why I restorted to the email.
I am trying not to bring it up - I do know, through this, I have become a much better person. I am a better wife than I ever have been. But, he is a lying jerk. Sometimes I wonder if I love him or the man he used to be. Sorry, as you can tell I am really confused. I have been though all the emtions - from devastation to anger to hurt to guilt over what I could have done different, and a lot of other things.
We have had our share of issues in the past, but nothing that was a big deal. To this day, his biggest issue is he thinks I neglected him when the kids were born.
About a month ago, I told him he had to be either in this marragie or out of it, so he said, fine, I am out of it and I will leave. (though, he didn't, according to him, only beucase he had no where to go and couldnt afford to) I know he doesn't realize how good he has got it.
If you change yourself..then what is left to do? The book says by changing yuorself, you will see a change in them, too..but that isn't happening. If someone says they don't love you anymoer and havnet for years...you can't make someone feel something that isn't there. He doesnt even want to try, refuses to see a counsler..said I am beating a dead horse. But, I still don't want to give up.
I stood up before God adn promised for better or worse..and I guess I intened to honor that and keep hoping he will change. Is that really possible - somone coming back from having tht atitude to wanting to be married and happy with you?
