CHL: yeah WOW about sums it up. If you had any idea of the communication problems we had before....
I used to call him the Stone Man. The closest he ever came to any kind of verbal affirmation was "I'm still here aren't I?". Of course the more closed down he was, the more freaked out and angry and needy I got. Not a good cycle. We both tend to avoid conflict--him even more than me, so we've had YEARS worth of stuff to resolve.
The cycle does work in reverse though, and can start with little changes on the part of only one of the partners. He does some things different, I see and appreciate that and do some things different, and things just get better.
Through the whole mess, I hung onto some wise things my father told me about marraige. He says married people go through many cycles and even fall in and out of love over and over again. He also told me "don't give up...as long as there is love, there is hope".
It would have been so easy to give up and walk away. I'm so glad that we didn't.
