still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

So I was talking to my friend and she was telling me about her addictive relationship back in highschool. She said that it exhausted her to be in it, literally, but that they would break up off and on and he always "pulled" her back.

She said that she didn't think about the long term future with them, only that she didn't want to end the relationship. He had a very hard and sad homelife and she felt bad for him. She would buy him lunch every day, do his homework...it was completely messed up!!

One time when she wanted to break up with him, she was driving with him in the car. He reached his foot over and put it on the gas and said that he just wanted to die and would throw himself over the cliff and she would go too. Well even that didn't make her end the relationship!

They talked about marriage and she went along with it to avoid an argument. SHe said she was only thinking present term and that she loved him and was happy but at the same time in the pit of her stomach she knew he wasn't good for her. But she didn't know when she would end the relationship, or if she could or if she wanted to.

She eventually grew so stressed from the drama, his mood swings, his problems, defending him to her parents and family, being isolated from everyone, wearing a happy face to prove to everyone she was fine and that she wasn't making a mistake. Her coach finally told her that she did what she could to give him "wings" but there comes a time when you must set the person free so they could fly. She said that she was getting ready to graduate and that the timing all seemed right...finally she was thinking that she really had to end the relationship for HER, that she didn't worry about how it would affect him. The coach's words, the timing, and the exhaustion all lined up.

I asked if he attempted to contact her again and she said YES several times...he showed up at her dorm room, he wrote her letters, he showed up at various places. What is ironic is that today he is happily married and has been for 10 years and they have 3 kids!


OK so I am reporting this because I believe that affairs are addictive relationships and that is what WH has with OW.


I told my friend that it seemed like she had a crossroads when it was time for her to graduate...that there was an event that might have propelled her to end the relationship.

She said she thinks that was part of it, but her college was very close to where he lived so she could have continued it. She thinks it was just time.

She suggested that even with WH, the lapse of time could be what is necessary for him to see OW's true colors and to grow tired of her.

I asked her if she thought that cutting him off from me and our house and making him play the role of a divorced dad could help. She said she bets it is helping to add stress to his life and that stress can bring out nasty sides to people! OW is probably pressuring him to D, he sees me pulling away and accepting the divorce, and he sees what his future will look like if he wants to make the D a reality.