Hey Eric, just stopped by to say hi. Saw the shoutout - thanks!
I havent caught up with your sitch completely, so, just some thoughts.
We all tell the new guys to focus on them (and their children). We do this for many reasons. One of them is that is doing that, you begin to not worry too much about your wife, what she is doing or not doing, what she is feeling, etc.
That being said, detaching, I feel is the hardest part of this. It goes against everything you feel intuitively is the right way to act.
Everyone comes to detachment in their own time, in their own way. And I wish that I could tell you that you get a shortcut pass, but, ain't gonna happen.
It is perfectly normal to feel sad and angry because this all sucks and you were in a relationship for a long time. It is perfectly normal to wonder why w is doing the things she is.
Here's the thing, though. If you continue to dwell on these feelings, you stay attached and continue to feel them.
But, if you really and truly put the focus on you and your kids, you will begin to see that those feelings start to abate. Little by little, day by day.
So, continue on your path. It is ok to think about your part in the marriage and to use the knowledge to figure out things you want to change.
But dont get stuck there. Use the knowledge to propel you forward.
Find more things that make you happy. Make memories with your kids. Live your life for you and them.
And eventually, you will see that those feelings are becoming less intense - little by little, day by day.
You are doing great. Keep going. Find your peace and happiness.
And never forget where you came from. We New Yorkers keep on keepin' on.
