"I am very glad you agree about sharing our family names for our child. About the birth and meeting the baby, I would like to meet her within minutes (or within the hour) after the birth if possible. I do not wish to be present in the birthing room, but I'd like to be waiting at the hospital.. The last thing I want is to be a source of stress for you and the baby for that important moment, so I will respect your decision. I look forward to meet the little girl, hopefully as soon as she arrives to this world.I hope the birth will go well, easy and peacefully, and the way you want it."
I know he is not demanding as such, but he keeps pushing his wishes nonetheless. I feel like he's got NO compassion for me at all.. I am a sideline to his obsession about meeeting the baby "straight away".
Has he no idea that "within minutes" of a birth, a placenta has to be birthed, the baby has to latch to the breast, and connect with mum?
He is uneducated. Naive. And selfish...
I need to set another boundary (by email) so he understands the above.
And I think I will have to explain him that by walking out on us at 8 weeks pregnant & telling me he wont' coparent, he has forfieted those rights.
Lordy, this one is going to be tricky to write. I am sorry to be dependent on you all, but I am so close to birth and my brain is out the window.
I know he is not demanding as such, but he keeps pushing his wishes nonetheless. I feel like he's got NO compassion for me at all..
This is what I thought as well! OK I really strongly suggest that you DO NOT reply. You told him what you want, he told you what he wants. Well guess what? YOU are the one having the baby and HE CHOSE TO LEAVE. Therefore screw his wishes!!!
You see, the baby will be born...no one has to rush out and tell your H (who has insisted that he not be there at the birth but wait in the lobby). They will be cleaning her up, stitching you up, then put her on you, and if she doesn't have a fever or anything she probably gets to just hang out in the room! So I can't imagine your H ever finding out when she is born until you tell someone to tell him.
Now be aware that you might want everyone in the world to come and see your daughter and you could feel like you love everyone and want H to come in. That's ok! Those feelings fade after a couple of days when sleep deprivation sets in, lol!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
The last thing I want is to be a source of stress for you and the baby for that important moment, so I will respect your decision. I look forward to meet the little girl, hopefully as soon as she arrives to this world.I hope the birth will go well, easy and peacefully, and the way you want it."
If you must write that email (although I don't think you need to!) then he did say he will respect your decision and doesn't want to be a source of stress. Maybe something like
Thank you for respecting my decision. I will invite you in to meet our daughter when she and I are ready.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
sorry but I am soooooo excited and have butterflies for you! S was born 7 days after his due date (due to induction- I swore I would just let him be born when he was ready but then I couldn't wait anymore!!!!)
Do you feel anything? Do you go in to get measured and checked out today?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Heya NM! I have been drafting an email to H, but I've just checked back in and seen your (as usually excellent) advice. Darn it! And I thought my email was a cracker! Maybe I'll share it here just as a way of journaling and getting it off my chest? It is 3am and I am wide awake and am craving some milk (???)..let me get a glass and come back refreshed & reply properly!
OK I really strongly suggest that you DO NOT reply. You told him what you want, he told you what he wants. Well guess what? YOU are the one having the baby and HE CHOSE TO LEAVE. Therefore screw his wishes!!!
EXACTerama !
He's a bit thick about the birthing/post birth process though NM. Not like Babydoll's husband and perhaps not like yours was. I think that's why I wanted to spell it out to him in an email that coming in straight away is not so easily done, even when the birth is straightforward. Ya know, so he knows i am not being vindictive...
I like the idea of him waiting in the hospital lobby, not the birth centre lounge istself which is a bit closer to the birthing rooms.
Now be aware that you might want everyone in the world to come and see your daughter and you could feel like you love everyone and want H to come in. That's ok! Those feelings fade after a couple of days when sleep deprivation sets in, lol!
Ok, thanks for the heads-up on this... Sooo good to have your experience to draw on.
You are wide awake, huh??? I totally craved dairy constantly during my pregnancy! Must be the calcium! Ok share the email- I am curious!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
