It sounds as though things have really turned around for you Tal. I'm very happy for you. I'm curious though, what did you DO to make it happen? If you read my thread, I'm a bit freaked out right now. I think it may be spending a whole week with my H and having to readjust to living apart again. How did Wolfie come back to you? Was it slowly-bits and pieces here and there, or just one day he seemed he was back to his old self? I'm just not sure where to go from here. The dreams you explained were so like the ones I have. They can really shake you up can't they? What sticks out in your mind that was the one most thing you think you did that got Wolfie to want to come back to you? I'm just looking to step things up a notch, and I'm not sure how to go about it. I want my H back home! Rachael
Hi Tal, First, I did not get the email--I will email you just so you have the right email address--just in case. Second, sounds like you and Wolfie continue to make great progress--I'm so happy for you!!
Yes, perhaps a 1 on 1 with JJ may be in order to see my plan of action---I did see H today, he came over to get a few things while OW was at his apt (she goes home tomorrow)...seems she does not have a problem with H seeing his W--very secure in what she has. I asked him point blank if he loved her and that answer was "yes"...he doesn't know what their future holds--the next few months will dictate--she may move here next June, but sounds like that will only happen if they are still hot and heavy and he'll agree to get an apt with her. Their week together at the end of the year is in New York City--to see museums/broadway shows etc (things he never expressed an interest in).....but he is pretty adament about wanting the D and seems it is only financial reasons for not acting on it...he seems to have it all planned out in his head about the equity in the house and how I'll have to buy him out to keep it and that will payoff his debts...in fact he just about said that he was going to enjoy NYC off his equity--now would be a good time for the housing market to take a dive!!!!! so I'm dilemna'd--mediation is the cheapest way for us to proceed while still trying to maintain friendship--he says we should wait until after the holidays and I almost think--[censored] I should say screw mediation and have him "served" on Christmas Eve--when he can't do anything about it for 2 weeks since he'll be with whore! Well, here I go rambling on your thread!!! Sorry--will pick it up on mine!!! Take Care and I'll look forward to your email!
And the "Mrs. Hyde" thing is a pretty big deal, no? I'll bet it's a BIG part of why you two aren't married already.
Some people DO change in weird and not so great ways after the big M (we didn't) but I THINK that's more for couples who don't really know each other all that well, or who have unconscious, implicit "scripts" for what H's and W's should do/be/act like etc.
I have a HUNCH you two are WAAAAAYYY past all that!!!
Shiny
P.S. couldn't hurt to reassure him on this count though!
RMC, it was definately bits and pieces. We were S for 9 months and even after we were going to MC because he "wanted to get back together" and had stated he WAS going to come home, he drug out the process and wishy-washed around to the point I wanted to throttle him!
There were lots of lightbulbs going off in his head the whole time and I will try to think of some of the major ones to list for you.
CHL: yeah WOW about sums it up. If you had any idea of the communication problems we had before....
I used to call him the Stone Man. The closest he ever came to any kind of verbal affirmation was "I'm still here aren't I?". Of course the more closed down he was, the more freaked out and angry and needy I got. Not a good cycle. We both tend to avoid conflict--him even more than me, so we've had YEARS worth of stuff to resolve.
The cycle does work in reverse though, and can start with little changes on the part of only one of the partners. He does some things different, I see and appreciate that and do some things different, and things just get better.
Through the whole mess, I hung onto some wise things my father told me about marraige. He says married people go through many cycles and even fall in and out of love over and over again. He also told me "don't give up...as long as there is love, there is hope".
It would have been so easy to give up and walk away. I'm so glad that we didn't.
Help Tal! I'm falling into that obsessive mode, and my anxiety level is high once again. Explanation is on my thread. I' wondering if this will ever be over. I'm so tired of this back and forth stuff! Do I need a 2X4?? Rachael
