just finished talking to my lawyer they received the files yesterday as well and will start on it today. i have voiced my displeasure with the 'padding' and they were expecting it. there are mysterious loans that have appeared. money that was given by his parents for our wedding - yet i never saw a penny of it. and therefore, they did not appear on my financial statement.
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because he's hurting you, this is normal to feel. I remember when I first had that feeling that it was very unsettling to me. Your H is way ahead of you on the detachment curve, you need to catch up and get ahead of him.
i guess i was always expecting him to just walk away. he is not behaving like a typical WAS who just wants out. that is what he said. he wants out. well then .. go. get out. why be so friggin' petty? he got everything in the house to furnish the new house that he bought. he wants 4 snow shovels .. take 'em. it's like i got what i needed and left. am i the WAS or what?
it feels like i'm the WAS and he's the nagging LBS who just won't go away.
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My wife filed for D and left the house. It crushed me emotionally, literally put me on the floor with grief. It wasn't productive so I changed what I was doing. I promised myself I would come out on the other side a better man. Two mantras I used were, "I can handle it" and "strength and honor."
i prefer jim collins quote ..
"greatness is not a function of circumstance. greatness is largely a matter of conscious choice and discipline."
"whether you prevail or fail depends more on what you do to yourself, than what the world does to you."
i think this is really what you have been trying to get through to me.
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I hated the legal side of the D. I let my L know that my goal was to stay married but that I wouldn't get in her way of doing her job. The L is your advocate for your financial well being. Hire a great one.
i think i have a good lawyer on my side. he had this attitude that i really liked. of course, i'm not afraid to yell at him too about stuff that my h has done to piss me off. i know my L doesn't take offence to it. but i'm not afraid to be vocal anymore. it's funny, my L knows that my goal is to reconcile. he suggested that the sooner we get this out of the way, then move forward to reconcile. when this lingers, it doesn't help. at least, that was his suggestion. his w is the legal assistant and she said a separation agreement isnt the end. they have seen countless couples reunite before going to court.
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The "work" is for yourself. The work kills the anxiety. The work is the journey, the work is the reward to yourself, the work is a gift to cherish, the work is all about you. You can handle it.
hence me leaving town. in order to save myself, i need to be somewhere else.
