If he is as HD as you say he is, he probably knows that and it may frighten him. He may not feel he can allow his inner "beast" out, which is why he wants you to control and initiate ML. You might want to talk to him as to why he prefers that.
Alternately, he could enjoy the power exchange aspects of surrendering to a strong woman who controls him sexually. Some guys are into that.
Some men just want to be held and touched and they only way they know how to reliably get that is through intiating sex. You might want to find out how he reacts to back, shoulder, or foot massages that you give him and if that is enough for a given day.
While I am HD compared to my wife, I really need to be touched and really need words of affirmation from her. There were many years in my marriage where the only times she would touch me were when we ML. Now we both understand each others needs more.
You should, as you say, talk to him and find out what his inner desires are and how you can meet them and he can meet yours. Explain that you like surrendering to a strong man. Maybe you can take turns initiating every other month or so other schedule that allows both of you to get what you need. Conversely maybe there are other physical things that can supplement your respective sexual needs.
Also, figure out a way that you can each say no to the others initiation without hurting their feelings. I have found that really important and very difficult to put into practice.
ML is a wonderful relationship/intimatcy restorative. However, there are also other ways to make a partner feel loved, treasured, and special.
Good luck in your relationship
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
