W is talking D, showing me the houses she is looking to buy, determing property division, all interspersed with a heavy dose of 'woe is me'. Her life is over, heart is broken, going to be alone forever. It is as if I am dumping her, instead of the other way around.
It really is tearing me apart.
This is pure BS and you need to call her on it. One thing I've learned through all this is that love needs to be tough sometimes. She is behaving in an incredibly selfish, immature manner, and you, as her H, partner, and friend, need to call her on it. It may not save your M, but trust me, it will not do any more damage, and very well might do some good.
You need to strongly and confidently say something like "W, I am not going to stand here and listen to your self pity. I've made myself clear that I want to save our M. You are choosing to end it. If you are determined to get a D, I can't stop you, but I will not tolerate you putting it on me. From this point on, if you want to discuss the ways we can work to save our M, I'm willing to talk. If you just want to harp on the past over and over and blame me, I have no interest in being around you." Then walk away and let her sit with your words for a while. If she pursues and tries to argue, put up your hand and say "I am not going to argue about this. I've told you how I feel."
Confident stands like that get people's attention. It makes them take a look at their own behavior. It gives them a chance to see their behavior from your eyes. I really think she's looking for you to help her by pointing out her BS, since she's wallowing in it so much she can't see it herself.
