This all just sucks. Plain and simple. And here is the most plain, pure statement I can make: I love him, I don't want him to leave and I want to work things out.
Of course there are a great many details into what would go into that (love (appreciation, respect), setting goals and priorities). Along with that, I know I cannot do all the work and I will not allow things to be how they have been. I have no idea what is going to happen. The line in the sand has been drawn so to speak. I've been going through this entirely too long.
So far, things have been quiet, calm, cordial. Talked about furniture and lawn equipment.
What I know for sure is that this week has not been good. Not much sleeping, not much eating. I've had a few breakdowns, but away from him in one way or another (another part of the house, while he was out or at work). I am very much breaking bad habits - I'm not going to him, trying to talk and pull information out of him. Especially not pulling just what I want to hear out of him. Controlling outbursts of words and or emotion. Right now I want things to change and work out with us - but if they don't, I'm ready for that too.
I don't know, I feel like I'm just babbling and rambling - sorry if I am. Thanks for reading.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
