MLC - standing by my man

[ericmsant2]

Mila

Just wanted to say ignore the email. Do not let yourself get dragged back into HIS crisis.


Here is my interpretation of his email (from the perspective of a former controling manipulative bas*ard that I WAS):

I didn’t hear from you regarding the weekend,

I need to control you and wanted to keep one foot in the door because I am confused and I think the grass is greener on the other side.

You want her to take more responsibility for herself, but you don’t show her enough trust and respect!

Let me project how you feel about me towards you in the context of our D.

because you think I WOULD INVATE YOUR PRIVACY, SINCE YOU DON’T TRUST ME EVEN A LITTLE BIT!!!

I can now see YOUR boundary very clear and I do not like it, so I'll try and throw a little guilt your way and remind you that you do not trust me. I'm hoping you will respond with the kindness you have showed me over the years by saying you do trust me.

then it’s going to be very hard to continue working together.

Now that I have laid down the guilt treatment...I'll try and manipulate you a little by bringing our work arrangement into the discussion.

I understand your anger towards me

Let me give you a little more guilt and make it appear as if I do not have any issues. I can do that by saying that YOU are angry at me and not admit that I am angry at myself or that you have a RIGHT to be angry.

but I am the same man as I have been over the years we have been together

Okay...let me reach a little and let her know that I still really want to be with her. The best way to do this is to remind her of the good times we have. (Personally IMO - this is more manipulation. This is another example of your H wanting to have a foot in both places).

and I don’t understand the exaggerated extend of the distrust you feel towards me!

A little more guilt for you...cause I cannot own up to my role in this. It is much easier for me to continue to blame you and not own up to the fact that I am having the affair.

Especially now, after what I did last year, I wouldn’t lie.

This is my own guilt and then an attempt to cover it up. Whatever he did last year should not compensate for the pain that HIS actions have cause. Interesting that he said he wouldn't lie. Another example of how he does not want to accept his role in this and what's to keep pushing it back on you.

The only way I can go on in my life, for myself, not for others, is to make sure I live and act openly and truthfully.

Let me JUSTIFY my actions by saying that I am doing things for myself. I'll then follow it up with a point to show you that I am really a nice guy.

I wish you could believe me

IMO - this is another example of how he does not want to let you go. He wants to control you. He wants to keep you on the side lines while he figures this out.

it would be easier for you, but if you don’t, it’s your loss

As part of my control and manipulation...I will now tell you want is good for me. If you do not listen to ME (more control) then it will be your loss. This is my attempt at control and pleading at the same time.

I know who I am and how I live my life.

I am really scared and confused but I need to hide that from you so I will show you that I have thought this thru.

Mila - IMO your H is really confused...really wants to manipulate you...wants to control you. He really wants you on the side while he figures this out. The question you will need to answer for YOU is what does Mila really want. What can Mila accept? What is best for Mila and D.

I may be way off base and you know your H much better than I or anyone else on the board does. Personally, I say cut him off completely. Let him go. Let him go figure his issues out. Stop letting him drag you back in.

Mila you are amazing women with a great deal of compassion and class and you deserve better.

God Bless you (and I am sorry if I have said anything that may have offended you)

Eric