Newmama, I really appreciate your post to me today. It’s weird, sometimes what God wants me to do is so clear and other times it’s just NOT and those are the times when I really feel like I just need to be told what to do because I’m indecisive.
I think what you said has a lot of validity to my situation right now and I will really pray over this and see where it leads me. I agree, right now I think it’s not time to change anything, but I have really been having this nagging thought that it’s time to start PLANNING more stuff. Getting ready. One was more vacations. I love to travel and H really benefitted from my love of travel, but we’ve stopped since the kids came to live with us. I have an opportunity to go to Germany with my mom soon. I may have enough frequent flyer miles to go and my stepdad is working there so my room would be free. (he stays in an apartment his company owns.) All I would have to do is pay for food. So, things like this I think will really help my PMA plus it would drive H nuts because he would want to go… he’d remember what he was giving up by not being with me. Now, that’s not my reason for going, but it’s a thought in my head for sure.
Anyway, I’m pretty new to the listening to God thing… believe it or not. I’ve prayed my whole life but being still and hearing him is new to me and not coming naturally. Thanks again!
Oddly enough, it's when I drive mostly that it comes to me. Sometimes a voice will come to me, sometimes I bring a little tape recorder to talk into and then "insights" will just come to me. I find myself driving down long, back roads more and more just to get in touch with that voice.
I'm trying to learn to meditate more and listen to him, but often what happens is my mind wanders and I fall asleep.
Oddly enough, it's when I drive mostly that it comes to me. Sometimes a voice will come to me, sometimes I bring a little tape recorder to talk into and then "insights" will just come to me. I find myself driving down long, back roads more and more just to get in touch with that voice.
It's really interesting that a lot of people who go through crisis like these (and make no mistake this is much a life crisis for you as it is for your H) do find the ability to tap into a spiritual energy that is incredibly helpful for the rest of your life. I suspect we all have it, but it takes a really hit over the head to hear it and learn to use it.
The eating thing is weird too. I’m the same. When things were really tough post separation I ate and ate and ate (and drank a lot of wine too … way more than was probably healthy) but as I’ve healed, this miraculous weight loss has occurred without even trying (like 20kg of weightloss that had to happen).
We carry our weight around like our pain (some naturopaths and healers say that excess weight is our emotional pain manifesting in our physical body) and by eating we’re feeding it (because you’re not ready to starve it yet). As the pain lessens, so does the need to feed it. You’ll see. It’ll happen.
That observation you made about how you loved to travel before the kids came to live with you is a really important observation M&H. It’s taken me a long time to figure this out myself, but I know for me that my xH met this vivacious, energetic girl who was on the verge of continuing life’s grand adventure (I’d just returned to Australia from a couple of years working in development in Eastern Europe and I was off to Pakistan for another contract). I fell in love with him, constant phone contact while I was abroad, he came and got me and I didn’t finish my contract. Then the kids lived with us and I was working a very conservative, but high pressure job and I became bat-sh!t boring. I wasn’t me anymore. That’s what happened.
I wonder if the pressures of step-parenting, running a family, working hard, being a wife and still trying to maintain the authentic “you” is even possible – like who’s got time????
The thing I’ve reflected on is that despite how difficult and painful the separation and ultimate divorce were, a few years down the track I’m now back to being my authentic self. I do a crazy job which I LOVE – I’m back in my field, doing stuff I’m passionate about (no more glam but boring jobs climbing the career ladder, clawing at the glass ceiling for me … ever again), I have great friends, an amazing family, gorgeous step children and an xhusband who would give his right arm and left testicle for a place in my remade incredible life.
And all I had to do to get here is to remember who I really was and be her again (it did take me about 3 years to figure out!!).
You are fast on your way M&H. Keep at it.
V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Wow, Walking. What a good story and good advice about finding our original selves. I too found that I got a bit boring, yet I totally didn't dislike me as a wife. I think we all make compromises for the relationship, and that changes us somewhat. If you took XH back, could you still be the real you and work on that relationship?
M and H - I too have been trying to hear 'the voice' but find it difficult. So many people post about how their relationship with God or spirit helped them. If I do hear something, I find that I doubt it, thinking it is just my ego or 'voices in my head'. How to know the true voice?
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
Just when ya think you can't be hurt any more than you have already....Don't beat yourself up about feeling it. Roll...feel it and then let it go....Easy to say, huh?!?!?
I have to watch myself when I am going thru what you are now. That's when I get PO'd and do something impulsive, like send a bitchy email, or text or VM. Yikes! Focus on the IRS!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
M&H - I know....the up & downs of our rollercoaster life are sickening. When we think that it's finally stopping swoosh...another curve. So unpredictable how these moods come and what triggers them.
Logically we all understand this yet it's hard to control. I'm sure that it will get easier with time.
Yuk taxes...I don't envy you
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
