My WH is like that too, but he says it, doesn't email it, so I can forget what he said. Though I wouldn't delete the email, save it but off the desktop, make a folder, put it away for another day.
As far as I can tell, there are 2 big things going on when they do this.
1. Control. They want the same control over everything, you and D included, as they had before. But it doesn't work that way, they can't walk on the family relationship and still expect everyone else to behave the same. Hard as it is for you to watch and hear, HE will have to learn this / face this life lesson, and it's not a nice one for HIM. (The good news is that OW will have to face this with her family too, and hopefully maybe this will ultimately drive them apart, but right now they are angry).
2. Acknowledgement. They want you to acknowledge what they are doing with their lives, and to agree that it is right. I could never do this. I don't believe it's right, and neither does most of the human race, except perhaps the OW. He will also have to learn this, do not (Mila, do NOT!!) acknowledge that this behaviour (from running to OW to temper tantrums) is right.
