It doesn't just sound like it, he said to me directly that it's over but he wants to be friends.
I can't remember ever hurting this bad.
As you can possibly see, it's 4 a.m. and I'm awake on a work night writhing because i feel so alone. I can't sleep, I can't stop crying, I have no one to talk to and I hurt so incredibly bad.
I can't take living here and knowing he's in the next room. It doesn't matter how much I GAL, as long as I come back here (where I live) at night, I feel incredible pain and longing.
I just spent 5 hours out on the town with my friends and felt fine the whole time. I felt like I could move on. I felt good. As soon as I got home, I couldn't handle it. This whole place we built together. Everything reeks of him. But he is off limits, probably forever.
I feel so sad lonely and desperate it's embarrassing. I actually crawled into bed with him while he was sleeping. I just wanted to cuddle, and not feel so scared and alone. At first it seemed like he didn't mind and I was falling asleep about 20 minutes later he wakes up and seems pretty mad that I was in his room.
I feel like such a creep.
I have gotten through breakups before in previous relationships, when you don't live together, you don't know where they are or what they're doing. You just face the fact you can't see him, cry about it and move on.
I stayed away for 2 or 3 days, at a friend's house, and thought i was making some progress in healing, but when I came home I got flooded with emotion.
What's worse is I've always had my cat to comfort me and offer me some kind of company when it's late and I can't call friends. But she just wants to sleep in his room. I brought her to my room when I got kicked out of his, but she just ran back in the other room. Story of my life.
It just seems I don't know how to deal with a broken heart like I used to.
