I'm happy the he wants to see her, but I'm feeling very alone and left out...it feels like my family is there and I'm here by myself and not invited. Very sad....
I saw this happen with husband regarding our son..I was glad that he did not treat son like he treated me..and I could live with the being left out...got used to being alone.
Nasty email...when I read it, I saw where he'd said this:
Quote:
I don’t know what the decision is based on, but if(emphasis on "if" is mine) it is based on your belief that D can’t be trusted to stay home alone at this age, it’s a wrong.
He spewed, assuming that you'd made your decision based on this one thing...and it was a door he thought he could open...and you got it in your face.
Your response to him was a good point..he may or may not answer...this is all a game to him right now.
I see he didn't bother asking daughter why you didn't go..I think he didn't really want to know that..he was just on the attack.
Again, don't take anything he's saying/doing personally..I know this is hard, but the MLC fog/confusion is talking.
I believe the spewing is showing his confusion toward your actions...and hopefully will make him think about what he's doing. I know it doesn't look that way, but I think I said before that sometimes people have to get angry to get better...don't know why that is..but it happens that way, sometimes.
I saw my husband get super angry, but positive things came AFTER those times of anger...one example WAS getting rid of OW as fast as he could do it, as something about his anger made something click within his fogged up brain.
But, I never knew, until action was taken/something positive happened.
Another example was the time I had to push him into a total tantrum because he was fighting the facing of his issues, I saw things thrown, him screaming his head off, me standing there in front of him, invading his space; letting him know he could leave if he wanted to, him screaming that much louder......and I wondered if I were going to keep my own head in the process.
The calmer the LBS is, the MORE angry the MLC'er gets; because the rules are changing; they are no longer getting their way.
As the anger comes OUT, more things seem to be processed within..where it cannot be seen. That is why you NEVER look at the actions of the MLC'er...you can only go with the guidance within and have faith things will turn out the way they need to..and that takes time AFTER a bout of spewing.
That anger has to come out SOME way, and most of the time it spills right onto the LBS...but there is somewhat of a healing as things come out on the table.
He is definitely showing a deep confusion, is trying anything and everything to get you to "back down" and make this all right..and you're not doing that.
I'm hoping the continuing stand off will cause him to "wake up" to what he's doing, but he's not there, yet.
He COULD decide to stop this and go on, but I'm thinking he won't..the connection to you is STILL there, or he wouldn't keep trying the way he has.
This may take some more time, partly because of what was "left over" so long ago...and you will need more strength to continue to withstand the onslaught of insults that may still come in a short period of time.
Something will HAVE to give and soon...he's boiling over like a pot on a stove that's been left too long.
You're doing the right things, Mila, and will know what to do and say as this rocks on...this battle is not over yet by a long shot.
I know it's cryptic, but this is what's coming to mind this time around.
Something tells me you'll know what I mean as you read what's being said.
Keep us posted. I'm doing what I can to keep up..I've gotten rather busy in the last few days, and I will be even more busy, as I'll be running long over the weekend, but will try to continue to keep up with the latest developments.
I'm here when I can be here.
You really ARE doing fine, though you think you're making a great many mistakes...I really don't see anything you could do differently at this time.
Take care.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
