W just txt me, she is calling off work again. Said she needs to call the doctor. I called her just to make sure it was not serious but turns out to be a "headache."
She just can't go to work is the problem.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Perhaps it's time to tell her how disappointed you are in her, that she would throw away your love and your marriage the way she did to chase a married man! And you don't know how you could recover from the way she has been lying to you and deliberately saying hurtful things to you. Perhaps it is for the best for her to move out. You are just not sure about anything having to do with her right now.
Yes, you need to let her stew in this mess of hers. Because unless she sees that she has caused all her problems, she will repeat the behavior over and over. You did not marry her until someone better comes along. And that is the way she is treating you. She's not even waiting for someone better to come along, she is actively hunting for a new husband!
I know you think she is wonderful. And that is good, because you love her. i am not saying this to be critical of your wife. I'm saying it because it is true. Men are not anxious to find a wife who is sick all the time and needs a nursemaid. She may find out quickly that you are the best husband she can get at the shopping mall of husbands. So don't sell yourself too cheaply. Make her work to get back what she has been so happy to throw away.
Yes, you need to let her stew in this mess of hers. Because unless she sees that she has caused all her problems, she will repeat the behavior over and over. You did not marry her until someone better comes along. And that is the way she is treating you. She's not even waiting for someone better to come along, she is actively hunting for a new husband!
I know you think she is wonderful. And that is good, because you love her. i am not saying this to be critical of your wife. I'm saying it because it is true. Men are not anxious to find a wife who is sick all the time and needs a nursemaid. She may find out quickly that you are the best husband she can get at the shopping mall of husbands. So don't sell yourself too cheaply. Make her work to get back what she has been so happy to throw away.
Perhaps it's time to tell her how disappointed you are in her, that she would throw away your love and your marriage the way she did to chase a married man! And you don't know how you could recover from the way she has been lying to you and deliberately saying hurtful things to you. Perhaps it is for the best for her to move out. You are just not sure about anything having to do with her right now.
I agree with Lotus.
I think the time is now.
I know you are afraid to let her go for fear of her running to someone else, but, she truly needs to see what life would be like without you taking 'care' of her....you really do have a father/daughter relationship....did you notice she went to her father when she didn't get what she wanted from you?
Oin, you have shown her how hard you have worked at changing yourself and trying to save M.....what has she done?
(((HUGS)))
M55 H55 my D31 H D30 1st met her when she was 25 M 22yrs...2nd for me, 1st for H OW 2005 mother of H daughter, came back to introduce D 1bomb 6/05 2bomb 7/08 3bomb 2/10 moved up north
Yes, you need to let her stew in this mess of hers. Because unless she sees that she has caused all her problems, she will repeat the behavior over and over. You did not marry her until someone better comes along. And that is the way she is treating you. She's not even waiting for someone better to come along, she is actively hunting for a new husband!
I know you think she is wonderful. And that is good, because you love her. i am not saying this to be critical of your wife. I'm saying it because it is true. Men are not anxious to find a wife who is sick all the time and needs a nursemaid. She may find out quickly that you are the best husband she can get at the shopping mall of husbands. So don't sell yourself too cheaply. Make her work to get back what she has been so happy to throw away.
(((STANDING OVATION!)))
Puppy
Totally agree!
M55 H55 my D31 H D30 1st met her when she was 25 M 22yrs...2nd for me, 1st for H OW 2005 mother of H daughter, came back to introduce D 1bomb 6/05 2bomb 7/08 3bomb 2/10 moved up north
Perhaps it's time to tell her how disappointed you are in her, that she would throw away your love and your marriage the way she did to chase a married man! And you don't know how you could recover from the way she has been lying to you and deliberately saying hurtful things to you. Perhaps it is for the best for her to move out. You are just not sure about anything having to do with her right now.
He don't need to move to fast or push or explain or anything. Let her sort herself out while he takes care of himself. Lay back off of her, but be there if she really needs it IE: hospital, or if she get sick. Outside of that I say he's having fun, and if she wants to join fine.
Had a long night at work,usually my shift ends at 6am but did not get home till 9am. As I said W called off work. When I got home W was still in bed. I went to sleep immediately. A few times I heard my W trying to hush the dog because I was sleeping.
I woke up and did my own thing, ate breakfast, went out in the backyard...W eventually came out to the backyard and brought the Kan Jam with her, so we played for a little bit and then like little kids we went and jumped around on my nephew's new trampoline. W then said "do you want to go in a play a game or two before we go visit father's GF" I said sure so we fooled around with the game then left.
On the way W wanted to stop and get FIL GF some flowers and so we did. While in the store W would say "This would look nice in the backyard" , "We should get these/this" but I just said "yeah, I think so too" or something along those lines and then continued on.
We get up tot eh hospital and FIL shows up shortly after we did. FIL greeted me briefly and would not even look me in my eyes. We visited for a little bit and chit chatted with FIL then left. After we left I said to W "I think your father may have lost some respect for me, because he would not even look me in my eyes or address me" and usually he does. W said he is just under a lot of stress and that is why. Just for the record when things with FIL GF were a lot worse, the most stressful of times FIL was good to me.
During our chit chat with FIL, my W and FIL spoke about the house and the progress that he is making. W did not bring up that she is moving there, even when we briefly spoke about the work FIL has done to the house. W even told FIL how we just bought a new patio set....
On the way back home I wanted to stop by a store and said to W "I want to stop at <store name> I can take you home first and then get in my car and go or do you want to join me?" W said she would go along. We went to a few different stores and W would say "We should look at this/that" or express interest in things for the house. W did get a few items for the house.
We stopped and got ice cream on the way home. When we got home, I went out back....W soon joined me and we fooled around with the dog for a little bit before W asking if I wanted to once again play the game (when I say game, I am talking about a couple games W just bought for her Wii console, mainly family feud lol).
After playing around for a little bit, W went to shower...
Day was OK. W did not seem as bitter as she usually is. I participated in these "games" because after all I don't mind having fun. I am trying to detach the best I can, I just keep reminding myself "W fell in love with OM" and "W's heart is broken over OM" helps me not get attached.
W spoke future tense quite a few times today. I say and ask nothing, I just carry on.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
She is being friendly and nice because she suddenly has lost her better option. So now you are not so bad. But this won't last, she will start looking for OM #2 to jump ship soon. You need to let her know that you know she has behaved badly to you and she cannot just turn around and assume everything is fine because she says it is. Things are not fine in the way that you have been treated. She has abused the marriage by using it as a safe haven from which to look for a new husband.
Now you are unhappy with how things are. (Yes, you exist in this marriage.) You are not interested in just being her safe haven. You want a real wife who loves you and wants to be with you. You are not sure if she can be that person. Ask her if she still planning to move out? If not, why not? if yes, then when? You have a right to know what is happening in your life, not to just passively accept whatever she does.
FIL is not looking you in the eye because he knows what she is planning to do. He is embarrassed by that knowledge. If it is move out, then she should do it, not spend all your money on home improvements. You can choose your own home improvements without her input. Why should you be the last to know what is happening in your life?
